I got started yesterday on some fairy houses for Miniatura. Having spent the usual time faffing around, prior to actually tackling the thing I wanted to do, I thought it a good plan to get an early night and get started first thing.
It is now three in the afternoon and first thing has still to occur, despite getting up at seven, because it’s been one of those days. Had I known it was one of those days, I’d have had a lie-in.
First off I wanted to post back a mail order item of clothing that looked wonderful on the model but made me look like a recently deceased elderly auntie of a zombie. So I brought it downstairs, in the plastic bag, located the outer bag and sought the returns slip.
Where him slip?
Not on the counter top. Not on the table. Not on top of the microwave with the plastic disposable dishes that are too nice to dispose of (they fitted three chips in the three chip compartment perfectly – had someone grown potatoes to the exact size?). Not behind the stack of papers on the edge of the top. Not in the cupboard. Not in the bedroom on the side. Not in the bedroom on the dressing table. Back downstairs. Not on the stairs. Not in the kitchen. In the bin? Not in the bin (which was wet. I was wearing an absorbent top.) Back upstairs. Not on the dressing table. Put the wet top on the radiator. Not on the radiator. Back downstairs, not on the stairs. Not on the table. Give up, will type letter. Make tea, wash spoon, soak top.
Upstairs. Not on the radiator. Not on the dressing table. Back downstairs. Not on the stairs.
Into the lounge. On the desk next to the computer where I put it last night. Fill in returns form. Make up parcel. Get in car go to post office. Park car. Go in. Post office shut. (Computer meltdown.)
Back in car down hill to supermarket garage. Up to entrance. Entrance blocked off, forecourt filled with men in high-vis vests.
Back home. Made tea. Third top of the day joining others on radiator.
Search for twenty fourth toilets for fairy houses. Not on first shelf though I had a good look when everything fell out. Not on second shelf, involving crawling on floor. Everything fell out. Everything fell out of third shelf spontaneously, did fourth shelf, didn’t feel lucky enough to do top shelf, heavy boxes.
Find three other things, put them on welsh dresser find toilets there.
Have lunch, fall asleep in chair, miss show on Internet and now it’s now.
I am going to the post office now if it still exists in this reality.
Miniatura 30th and 32st March details www.miniatura.co.uk *
*31st. Don’t go on the 32st it doesn’t exist.