Ooh hello, Monday morning. Well, it will be if I’ve managed to set the automatic posting. It didn’t work last time, almost certainly due to an error with the bit of equipment situated between the chair and the keyboard. So I might set it for midnight and then stay up to see if it does it. The interesting thing of course is that it might not be midnight where you are. Does this mean you have your Monday morning in the middle of the afternoon? That would definitely take the edge off it.
Assuming that you are having your Monday morning on Monday morning, and at this point I am sobered by the thought that it is always Monday morning somewhere and, equally, cheered by the thought that it is also Friday afternoon somewhere, always. Thinking about the globe, somebody on your latitude is having a birthday right now. Look North and South and see if you can see cake. Cake! Hooray! Though not for me, I lost 5 pounds weight not eating for a fortnight with flu and in two days of eating again had put it all back on again. I think I’ve got Italian ancestry, probably the goddess Abondanza. If I didn’t work out every day I’d be spherical.
However, whatever time it is where you are right now, it’s time for pudding. Let’s put a fountain on the top of the Knickerbocker Glory and see what that looks like. Oh yes, very decorative.
Quick burst of Early English theme music, tambours and shawms.
Very Devon ’Ello and welcome back to Archaeology Now with me,
Very Devon and my assistant, Derek Here. When you
left us this morning we were not ’aving much luck with
Derek Here Similar to the luck we had with trenches one, two, three
and four, Dev.
Very Devon Thank you, Derek. But since you left us we’ve ’ad a
development. What’s developed, Derek?
Derek Here Mostly this blister on my thumb, Dev. But we’ve had
some exciting results from the geophiz up at the top end
of the lawn.
Very Devon Yes indeed we ’ave. It looks like a dark mark which I
think might be the edges of the outer wall. We weren’t
originally going to ask the land owner if we could dig at
the top of the lawn, were we Derek?
Derek Here No we weren’t, because he told us we couldn’t.
Very Devon Well ’e did say that but we were ’oping to persuade
’im otherwise. ’Ere ’e is now.
Land Owner Ah, hello there. I understand there’s been a
Very Devon Well only in the sense that nothing’s ’appened. So
we’re ’oping to dig sort of towards the upper area
of the lawn where the geophiz indicates something
which could very well be something.
Land Owner I didn’t really want you to dig up at the top end in
case it breaks the edges of the ornamental flower bed.
Very Devon Well I wouldn’t say it will break the edges of the
flower bed, will it Derek?
Derek Here No, because we want to dig right in the middle.
Very Devon Thank you, Derek, I wish you did subtle. So,
would that be all right, then?
Land Owner I’ll have to ask my wife, she’s very funny about her
roses. By the way there’s a chap turned up at the door
wearing a boat. He says he’s with you. When he’s
finished his tea and cake she’ll bring him through.
Coracle Man Hello! It’s me! Good gracious, what a lot of trenches.
You have been busy. I bet this was a really nice lawn
before you dug it up. Have you found some wonderful
historical artefacts to justify this wholesale destruction?
Very Devon ’Oo let you in?
Coracle Man A very nice lady who gave me tea and cake. I’ve been
showing her my rash. I’m not very well. I’m a chronic
coracler at the moment.
Very Devon You’re a chronic nuisance. ’Ere we are, trying to keep
a low profile…….
Land Owner Whilst digging up all of my lawn.
Very Devon Whilst examining small portions of grass which Derek
Here will replace very carefully afterwards and now ’e
comes along demanding cake.
Coracle Man I didn’t demand, she offered. And it’s only to keep
my strength up so I can wield a pickaxe, look!
Derek Here Not there!
Huge clang followed by a gush of water.
Coracle Man Ooh look, I’ve found a Roman fountain.
Very Devon What you ’ave found, you boat wearing idiot, is the
modern water main, which is why we abandoned
trench one six hours ago.
Coracle Man Oh dear, what a lot of water. What a good job I’ve
brought my coracle.
Land Owner What are you going to do about my water main?
Very Devon Derek Here will pop a cork in it while I phone for a
plumber and until ’e arrives my colleague and I will
’ave top level discussions in another location.
Coracle Man Oh good, I’ll have a pint of lager and a packet of
cheese and onion crisps.
JaneLaverick.com - Monday morning cake even when it’s not your
birthday. (If it is, happy birthday – what next?)