Fountains to Knickerbocker Glory.

Ooh hello, Monday morning. Well, it will be if I’ve managed to set the automatic posting.  It didn’t work last time, almost certainly due to an error with the bit of equipment situated between the chair and the keyboard.  So I might set it for midnight and then stay up to see if it does it.  The interesting thing of course is that it might not be midnight where you are.  Does this mean you have your Monday morning in the middle of the afternoon?  That would definitely take the edge off it.

Assuming that you are having your Monday morning on Monday morning, and at this point I am sobered by the thought that it is always Monday morning somewhere and, equally, cheered by the thought that it is also Friday afternoon somewhere, always.  Thinking about the globe, somebody on your latitude is having a birthday right now. Look North and South and see if you can see cake.  Cake!  Hooray!  Though not for me, I lost 5 pounds weight not eating for a fortnight with flu and in two days of eating again had put it all back on again.  I think I’ve got Italian ancestry, probably the goddess Abondanza.  If I didn’t work out every day I’d be spherical.

However, whatever time it is where you are right now, it’s time for pudding.  Let’s put a fountain on the top of the Knickerbocker Glory and see what that looks like.  Oh yes, very decorative.


                                  Archaeology Now

Quick burst of Early English theme music, tambours and shawms.

Very Devon     ’Ello and welcome back to Archaeology Now with me, 
                  Very Devon and my assistant, Derek Here.  When you
                  left us this morning we were not ’aving much luck with
                  trench five.

Derek Here     Similar to the luck we had with trenches one, two, three
                  and four, Dev.

Very Devon     Thank you, Derek.  But since you left us we’ve ’ad a 
                  development.  What’s developed, Derek?

Derek Here     Mostly this blister on my thumb, Dev. But we’ve had
                  some exciting results from the geophiz up at the top end
                  of the lawn.

Very Devon     Yes indeed we ’ave.  It looks like a dark mark which I
                  think might be the edges of the outer wall.  We weren’t
                  originally going to ask the land owner if we could dig at
                  the top of the lawn, were we Derek?

Derek Here     No we weren’t, because he told us we couldn’t.

Very Devon      Well ’e did say that but we were ’oping to persuade
                   ’im otherwise.  ’Ere ’e is now.

Land Owner      Ah, hello there. I understand there’s been a 

Very Devon       Well only in the sense that nothing’s ’appened.  So
                  we’re ’oping to dig sort of towards the upper area
                  of the lawn where the geophiz indicates something 
                  which could very well be something.

Land Owner     I didn’t really want you to dig up at the top end in
                  case it breaks the edges of the ornamental flower bed.

Very Devon     Well I wouldn’t say it will break the edges of the 
                  flower bed, will it Derek?

Derek Here     No, because we want to dig right in the middle.

Very Devon     Thank you, Derek, I wish you did subtle.  So,
                  would that be all right, then?

Land Owner    I’ll have to ask my wife, she’s very funny about her
                 roses.  By the way there’s a chap turned up at the door
                 wearing a boat.  He says he’s with you.  When he’s
                 finished his tea and cake she’ll bring him through.

Coracle Man   Hello!  It’s me!  Good gracious, what a lot of trenches.
                 You have been busy.  I bet this was a really nice lawn
                 before you dug it up.  Have you found some wonderful
                 historical artefacts to justify this wholesale destruction?

Very Devon    ’Oo let you in?

Coracle Man   A very nice lady who gave me tea and cake.  I’ve been
                 showing her my rash.  I’m not very well.  I’m a chronic
                 coracler at the moment.

Very Devon    You’re a chronic nuisance.  ’Ere we are, trying to keep
                 a low profile…….

Land Owner    Whilst digging up all of my lawn.

Very Devon     Whilst examining small portions of grass which Derek
                  Here will replace very carefully afterwards and now ’e
                  comes along demanding cake.

Coracle Man    I didn’t demand, she offered.  And it’s only to keep
                  my strength up so I can wield a pickaxe, look!

Derek Here     Not there!

Huge clang followed by a gush of water.

Coracle Man    Ooh look, I’ve found a Roman fountain.

Very Devon     What you ’ave found, you boat wearing idiot, is the
                  modern water main, which is why we abandoned
                  trench one six hours ago.

Coracle Man    Oh dear, what a lot of water. What a good job I’ve
                  brought my coracle.

Land Owner    What are you going to do about my water main?

Very Devon     Derek Here will pop a cork in it while I phone for a
                  plumber and until ’e arrives my colleague and I will
                  ’ave top level discussions in another location.

Coracle Man    Oh good, I’ll have a pint of lager and a packet of
                  cheese and onion crisps.

Theme tune.

           &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& -  Monday morning cake even when it’s not your
birthday. (If it is, happy birthday – what next?)

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