Spot the deliberate mistale.

I’m surprised that no one emailed me remarking on the deloberate mistale in Monday’s posting.  Of course it isn’t every day of the week, somewhere on the planet.  It is, on another much larger planet and also possibly on a smaller one that spins rather quickly.  The news here is much worse; if you are an airline pilot, flying at the right speed in the right direction you can have an entire 24 hours of Monday morning. No wonder pilots are so highly paid.

If you subscribe to the current theory that all possible scenarios actually happen somewhere in the universe, then not only is there a planet where you are the absolute ruler and another where your computer is made of toffee and quacks to let you know it’s just microwaved another cup of engine oil for your pet shoe, there’s also a planet where they live backwards.

There they have a five day weekend where they all start off in a heap at the bottom of the sofa stuffed with junk food after which they have to walk backwards into work for two frantic days of shredding the work they did the previous week.  Old people have free counselling for the approaching horror of getting born and teenage boys think they know everything.  This last fact is referred to as Laverick’s Constant.

Worse still is the huge black hole at the centre of the galaxy filled with all the odd socks that disappear from washing machines all over the known universe. Space ships that get sucked in are mysteriously ejected elsewhere dyed blotchy pink with unravelled edges even though there are no red underpants in the black hole at all, and if there are, they weren’t mine.

You can, however, blame me for making an exhibition of three of the new Miniatura exhibitors tomorrow, a full month before the show. Remember, you read it here first, or will do, tomorrow, unless you’re living backwards, in which case, weren’t they great? Another impossibility is that the standard of miniature art just keeps getting better but it does, as you know if you live on htraE tenalp.  Though you don’t have to live backwards to get the benefit, just tune in on Wednesday for Midweek Miniatura. But I expect, if you’re a regular reader, you already knew that. (Could you hum some spooky sci-fi music please?) (Thank you!)

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