A strange man has appeared in my lounge room in the evenings – he doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself.
He wanders around, tells jokes to the air, slaps invisible people across the back and sits on a pile of cushions on the corner of the settee.
Last night he drank all the water out of the goldfish bowl in one go, then crunched the cat’s biscuits and burped.
He vanished from the lounge but I came across him later in the garage throwing darts at a picture of my mother that we keep for reference.
Have you any idea who he could be?
The editor replies-
Go through your family photograph album searching for a resemblance. Research indicates, in the light of the Prime Minister closing all the pubs, that this might be your husband, at home in the evening.
Readers may wish to engage strange men hanging around the house at unusual hours, in conversation, to ascertain their identity. They may turn out to be husbands, or, in extreme circumstances, teenage sons.
How to have sex whilst maintaining the correct two metre social distancing. Where to source six foot long baby-feeding spoons, how to cut your toenails without actually touching your own feet and – combing your hair, in rubber gloves, with the lawn rake – can it be done*