The OH is utterly addicted to his mobile phone. If he is awake, it is in his hand. He thinks he is a genius because he knows everything, I think he has outsourced his thinking.
When I rub down the porcelain, because it is dry, it creates dangerous dust. To counter this I wear a mask. For many years they were very cumbersome and made me look as if I was a titchy, substandard, fireman. In the last few years much lighter masks have been available, which, usually being made in the Far East, are a better fit for my small face. My most recent purchase was recalled for a manufacturing fault, but I carried on using it for a while, waiting for funds to turn up for a new one and the time to look online to choose one.
I did so and the new mask turned up yesterday with a complicated arrangement round the back of the head to relieve pressure, an unfathomable system of adjustment and instructions only in Chinese.
Back in the day the OH studied Mandarin at O level. I therefore asked him if he could translate the instructions.
He whipped out the all-powerful phone and, after the usual endless screens came up with ‘ esta mascara…’
Chinese into Spanish. Such a help.
‘Read it slowly, so I can understand! This mask…’
But by then he had found English, gabbled it through, switched his phone off and went to the pub, very pleased with himself.
I worked it out in the end because of thirty-one years of wearing masks.
I am probably the last person in the country without a mobile phone. I see they are making television programmes called Race across the world, where they take people’s phones off them, take away their credit cards, don’t let them get on a plane and then make them find their way around.
Welcome to my world. We use cash here and do our own thinking.
Quaint.
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There is still time to get one of the dwindling number of tickets for the 100th Miniatura. www.miniatura.co.uk