When you look out of your bedroom window, what do you hope to see? The garden, maybe a bird or two and some grass? Instead, a couple of days ago this is what I saw
what do you think these are?
It might help to know that the stripey bits are foam, that the thin lines are giant cable ties and the item propping one of them up is a hefty length of wood.
Any guesses?
The one on the left has a dark stripe on the uppermost edge. This is a channel the OH dug out of the foam. Into the channel he fitted another length of wood, as in the sample at the top of the picture.
?
His friend came round to supervise.
Together they achieved this.
There is now green painted wood on the sides, and, as you can see on the one lying down, stacked on another one, legs.
Does it help you if I tell you these are being constructed to Olympic standard?
Yes indeed, Olympic standard mystery objects in my back garden, without I might add my permission, say so or agreement.
They have taken days and days to get to this stage and then
wheels!
You may add your best guesses here
and here before I show you the next addition
which is
a horse mat, as I’m sure you knew.
If you did know you’re better informed than I.
I knew horses had blankets and shoes, I did not know horses had mats. The horse mat, provided by the friend, cost £60. It is the heaviest rubber I’ve ever seen. It took three of us to lift it on to the trestles. Those horses certainly don’t stint themselves.
Having provided this horse mat, the friend supervised while the OH cut it into strips. After a while the friend became bold and did a bit of cutting himself.
Having cut the mat into strips they were nailed on to the upright
boss.
This is a boss. The thing you put behind a paper archery target. The foam slices absorb the arrows, the rubber strips are to prevent the arrows slung of outrageous fortune and inexperienced archers, splintering the woodwork.
Yes my garden is more full of bosses than a Trades Union conference.
There is no doubt that the OH is very clever to have made them.
Because the floor of his shed is collapsing he has kept his tools in my shed.
The sun room.
And the lounge while matters proceed.
If you are good at the counting (socks off) you will see that there are three bosses. Not quite enough for British Rail but more than enough for my back garden.
When the friend arrived, as he has every afternoon for weeks, a couple of days ago there was talk, now that the archery society has found a field to rent for a few years, that the ideal number of bosses to give all the members a shot at Olympic level shots would be 14.
Can you see my nelly? Or not on it at all?
I have been patient.
The friend has a new car, it needs to be on our drive out of the way of passers by who may wish it harm.
Anything I want to do with my car has to be in the AM before the arrival of the other boss.
The friend is mature, he had his 81st birthday three days ago, same day as me, different decade.
For my birthday I had a trip to the dump, quite early.
To book the visit to the dump requires three different computer screens, ten pages of warnings, at least half an hour’s notice and a print out.
I used to find this annoying.
Now I find it less so.
Interestingly the bosses, so painstakingly made, will need to be disassembled to get them up our side path.
The friend was at pains to assure me yesterday, that urgent, urgent, requests have been made among many members for one with a van.
Or a lorry.
Or a car with a roof rack the size of a small village.
Round about the second day when the wheels were on, the OH asked his 5ft 1inch wife just to hold the back steady while he shifted it a bit, to lie it on the grass.
If I had been standing about 2mm closer, the speed at which the wheels caused the entire assembly to flash past my face, going upwards, would have meant that I no longer had a face.
After this requests that begin : Jane could you just hold… are ignored.
No I could not just hold.
I was just holding the ladder when the tree branch fell and split my head open about twenty years ago.
I was just holding the wardrobe rail up in the air unsupported when he went to get a packet of screws via the pub, thirty years ago.
Learning has taken place. I will not just hold anything.
Amazingly the OH opined that the friend, who founded the archery society, was a loud, bossy old man who thought he was always right and didn’t listen.
Almost a perfect description of the OH, if you add self-righteous and unsmiling.
I have been told I am making a flag.
I have a sewing machine which will do the work.
What kind of flag?
A red safety flag.
Now… 14 bosses, 1 safety flag.
I have my shoes and socks off, the numbers do not match.
The OH, who was getting tired of being told what to do by some old man, not having had half a century of experience at this, told the friend that Jane was getting fed up and wanted her garden back.
Whilst Jane, who never said any such thing, concurs, she doesn’t like being cast in the role of bad guy. Especially when I have made them cups of tea every afternoon at 4.
Not on my birthday, I arrived in the kitchen to find the kettle was hot, they had made their own tea. Happy Birthday.
One of my aphorisms, frequently asserted in times of difficulty, is that you should always present a moving target.
I think the OH probably stopped listening to me round about the second date but something must have filtered through.
Misheard.
Always present a moving target.
NOT
Make four moving targets as a present and promise ten more.
Judi Dench, the famous actress, is famous, among other things, for filling in the gaps on film sets by needlepointing very rude sayings very neatly. **** off and similar.
You could fit a lot on a flag.
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