{"id":103,"date":"2010-01-24T23:53:42","date_gmt":"2010-01-24T23:53:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=103"},"modified":"2010-01-24T23:53:42","modified_gmt":"2010-01-24T23:53:42","slug":"knickerbocker-glory-the-pork-scratchings-layer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=103","title":{"rendered":"Knickerbocker Glory, the pork scratchings layer."},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome to Janelaverick.com where we think it\u2019s a good idea to start the week with pudding.  More specifically, Knickerbocker Glory, the tall ice cream confection I dished up to a radio station, who slung it right back, eventually, so now I\u2019m spreading it round your way.  Or, to put it another way, welcome to starting Monday with ice cream dripping off your chin.<\/font><\/p>\n

Just in case you are a Monday morning regular, I should advise you to scroll down; I posted on Saturday night.  The web manager\u2019s recovery from his tooth extractions seemed to be going well and such was the relief, I felt funny all over.<\/font><\/p>\n

Back at the Today Ranch, there is only one type of ice cream as it\u2019s quite a long one with just a hint of lard.  Uncle Reg\u2019s niece, stuck on a pig farm deep in rural somewhere or other and trying her inadequate best to run a phone line service, finally manages to contact another human being.  If you work in a call centre and you\u2019re reading this in your tea break, please know that deep in the corners of its heart, where the fluff gathers and the old tea leaves settle, peoplekind feels for you, it so does, despite what it says on the phone.  The joy of cold calling is a terrible thing to do for money but it could be worse; you could be Uncle Reg\u2019s niece.<\/font><\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026New Services\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n

Phone rings.<\/em><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                           Hello?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>     Welcome to the Reg Smith phone line.  Reg Smith is
                       the Two\u2026Oh\u2026One\u2026Ohs calling.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                           Do you know what time it is?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>     No, you need the speaking watch for that. Do you 
                       want the number?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                           No, I don\u2019t want the number, I know what time it is.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>     Why are you asking me then?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                            I mean, do you know what the time is?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>       No but the Speaking watch probably does.  Do you
                        want the number?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                            No I don\u2019t.  What I\u2019m trying to say is: do you 
                        realise what time it is?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>       No\u2026\u2026\u2026but the Speaking Watch realises, specially
                        now I\u2019ve gone digital.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                           Oh for goodness\u2019 sake.  What I mean is, it\u2019s late. 
                       Why are you ringing me now?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>     This is a recorded message to inform you of some 
                       new services.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                           You\u2019re not recorded.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>      No, but I will be when I\u2019ve figured out how to work 
                        the machine.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                            So you\u2019re not recorded?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>      Yes I am, sort of, or I will be when Uncle Reg gets
                        back again.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                             Back again?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>       He\u2019s out.  He\u2019s out most evenings, with the taxi. 
                        That\u2019s one of the things I\u2019ve got to tell you about.
                        It\u2019s the Reg Smith taxi service.  We can take you
                        where you want.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                             I want to go back to bed.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>      We can\u2019t take you there, silly.  It\u2019s just upstairs.
                        You can\u2019t drive a taxi upstairs. That is if your
                        house has stairs. My auntie has a bungalow. 
                        That doesn\u2019t have stairs.  Not even one stair.
                        Well it has a front door step but you can\u2019t 
                        count that.  Well you can.  One.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                             <\/font><\/font>I don\u2019t care where your auntie lives, I\u2019m going
                        back to bed.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/font><\/u><\/strong>     But I\u2019m supposed to read you this whole page.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                              <\/font><\/font>I don\u2019t want you to read me a whole page.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/font><\/u><\/strong>     I\u2019ll get into terrible trouble if I don\u2019t.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                              Will you?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>          Uncle Reg will call me \u2018my girl\u2019.  There\u2019s a lot
                          of \u2018my girl\u2019ing going on.  He might wag his finger.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                               That\u2019s not very terrible, is it?  What\u2019s a wagging 
                          finger to a girl like you?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/font><\/u><\/strong>          He does it before he shouts.<\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 Does he?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>           Yes, very loudly.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  Oh well, go on.  But make it quick.  My feet are
                           getting cold.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Oh I am sorry.  What am I thinking of?  Haven\u2019t
                           you got your slippers on?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  No, I just rushed downstairs.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Well that was silly.  You should always put your 
                           slippers on because you might tread on something.
                           My cousin trod on a nail once and it went right
                           through his foot.  And he was only eight.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  Look, I\u2019m very sorry about your cousin\u2019s foot\u2026.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Oh that\u2019s all right.  It was years ago.  He\u2019s grown
                           up and married now.  He\u2019s got ten pigs and three
                           children. They win prizes.  All the time.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 Yes, yes, I\u2019m so pleased your cousin\u2019s foot is
                           better and his children win prizes but I want to
                           go to bed.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>           It isn\u2019t the children that win prizes, silly, it\u2019s the
                           pigs.  They win them at shows.  You can\u2019t show
                           children.  They wouldn\u2019t stay in the pen.  At least
                           Alice might, but Damien wouldn\u2019t, he\u2019d be out
                           before you could say \u2018knife\u2019.  On the tractors
                           probably.  He likes tractors does Damien.  I think
                           he\u2019s going to grow up to be a baler operator.
                           That\u2019s very skilled work, you know.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 Excuse me interrupting your bucolic idyll, but if
                           you don\u2019t mind I want to go to bed.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            There\u2019s no need to swear and that.  That\u2019s not
                           very nice.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  Just get on with it.  Read me this advert.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>             I don\u2019t know if I want to, now.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  All right, suit yourself.  Bye.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

 Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Don\u2019t hang up!  I\u2019ll do it.  And it\u2019s not an advert
                            it\u2019s advance information.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  Look, my feet are like blocks of ice and I\u2019m
                           not going to stand in this hall much longer. Just
                           give me the gist of the information.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>           The what?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 The gist.  Don\u2019t read me the whole thing, just give
                           me the salient points.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            The\u2026\u2026..  Are you being rude? The what points?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  Just tell me what it\u2019s about and hurry up.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            All right, I will, don\u2019t shout.  Well, there\u2019s 
                           welcome to the Reg Smith phone line, Reg
                           Smith is the Twenty.. One\u2026 Ohs calling.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 I know, I know.  Get on with it.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Ooh, keep your shirt on.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  I haven\u2019t got a shirt on.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Are you in the nuddy, then?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 No I\u2019m not.  I\u2019m wearing pyjamas, if it\u2019s any
                           of your business.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>           Well that\u2019s a relief.  I don\u2019t think it would be
                           proper of me to be talking to a customer if they
                           were in the nuddy.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 I am not in the nude but I am very cold.  Now are
                           you going to give this information or shall I hang
                           up?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>           No please, don\u2019t hang up!  I\u2019ll tell you.  Right. Reg
                           Smith is the Two\u2026 Oh\u2026 Tens calling.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  Hurry up!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            I\u2019m reading as fast as I can.  Tens calling.  Then
                           there\u2019s the taxis, blah blah, recipe hotline; that\u2019s
                           good, that\u2019s where I read you a recipe, or I will
                           when we get the duck back, it flew away.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 Hurry up!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            Don\u2019t rush me!  There\u2019s some quite long words 
                           here, you know.  Blah, blah weather information,
                           traffic news.  That\u2019s the very local traffic news. It
                           was ever so local yesterday.  Uncle Reg set out
                           for the bypass to see what it was like but he broke
                           down at the end of the lane.  But it worked out all
                           right because when Ernie came to give him a tow
                           he\u2019d had to drive along the bypass to get there. So
                           he knew what the traffic was like and that was
                           handy, wasn\u2019t it?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                  I\u2019m going to bed now.  This minute.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>            All right, I\u2019m doing it.  Traffic, recipe, first aid,
                           hints on cleaning your pond, farm holiday hotline,
                           horoscopes, what\u2019s new in the corner shop, up
                           and coming jumble sale dates and possibly knitting
                           patterns.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                 Knitting patterns?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>          Ooh right, I\u2019ve got half of one here.  It goes: hang
                          on, let me wipe the lard off, right, it goes: cast on
                          twenty, knt two rws, slp sts, trn through, two little
                          dots, two little dots, two little dots, then there\u2019s a 
                          torn bit\u2026\u2026<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                That\u2019s enough, thank you.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>          Well it isn\u2019t really, because it isn\u2019t finished. 
                          Usually Auntie knits it, then we decide what it
                          is.  But she\u2019s only done a bit of this.  It could
                          be a sleeve.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                I\u2019m not interested in knitting, thank you.  If
                          that\u2019s all, I\u2019ll go to bed.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>          Or a long hat.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                Yes, quite.  I\u2019ll bid you goodnight.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>          Or half a legging.  It isn\u2019t a sock because
                          there\u2019s no foot.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Caller<\/u><\/strong>                                Good night.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Uncle Reg\u2019s Niece<\/u><\/strong>          Thank you caller.  Reg Smith is the Two.. Oh
                          One.. Ohs calling.  It could be a piglet warmer.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Click brrrrrrrrr.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

JaneLaverick.com,  starting Monday with a grin so you can bear it.<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Welcome to Janelaverick.com where we think it\u2019s a good idea to start the week with pudding.  More specifically, Knickerbocker Glory, the tall ice cream confection I dished up to a radio station, who slung it right back, eventually, so now … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[15,22],"class_list":["post-103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-knickerbocker-glory","tag-humour","tag-radio-play"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t