{"id":119,"date":"2010-02-07T23:47:31","date_gmt":"2010-02-07T23:47:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=119"},"modified":"2010-02-07T23:47:31","modified_gmt":"2010-02-07T23:47:31","slug":"knickerbocker-glory-5-with-prunes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=119","title":{"rendered":"Knickerbocker Glory 5 with prunes."},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Monday morning\u2026\u2026.who invented that?  What a rubbish way to begin the week.  I much prefer Thursday afternoon at 4 o\u2019 clock with a cup of tea and a bit of cake.  We will have to wait till the week wends its way onwards so let\u2019s console ourselves with a bit of Knickerbocker Glory.  For the new readers who have found us I\u2019ll just mention that these are extracts from a radio series I submitted to steam radio long ago when the world was young, which limped back home with a slight sprinkle of genuine BBC corridor dust.  So far we\u2019ve had a couple of helpings of Uncle Reg\u2019s niece, who is trying to run a phone service from a pig farm and a couple of dollops of a radio archaeology programme.  You can access the archive via the Knickerbocker Glory button to the right of this column.<\/font><\/p>\n

How are you on the voices?  You\u2019ll need three for Archaeology Now: a rural one for Very Devon, something neutral for Derek Here, who we suspect, does all the digging, and the most annoying voice you can get for the coracle man, who would like to be included and star in a radio programme.  He\u2019s the equivalent of the grinning kid whose head you see sideways behind the reporter in TV breaking news broadcasts.  Except with radio there\u2019s no way you can narrow the angle, if it\u2019s on mike, it\u2019s in.<\/font><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve gargled and gone \u2018me, me, me\u2019 you\u2019re on.<\/font><\/p>\n

*******************************************************<\/font><\/p>\n

                                       Archaeology Now
                                               Scrolls.<\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n

A quick burst of theme music, tambours and shawms.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>      \u2019Ello and welcome to Archaeology Now. I\u2019m Very
                   Devon and this is my assistant, Derek Here. Today
                   we\u2019re at a well known archaeological site.  It\u2019s a temple
                   to Mithras first documented in the late Thirties but
                   covered up again during the war.  As you may have
                   read in the papers the site is going to be right 
                   underneath the new M700 extension, so it\u2019s being
                   uncovered and photographed now before it\u2019s entombed
                   in a concrete shell to preserve it for future generations.
                   What do we know about the temple, Derek?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>      Well Dev, the temple, which is down these steps, was
                    actually built as an under ground structure because
                    it was secret.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>       So \u2019oo would go in it then, Derek?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>       Probably just the priests, Dev.  They would go in and
                    do their rituals and then come out and prophesy.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>       And we know this because of the scrolls, don\u2019t we
                    Derek?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>       Yes we do.  The first and second excavations were 
                    through the roof and they found the holes were full
                    of scrolls.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        Rolls of scrolls down the \u2019oles.  My word.  But we\u2019re 
                     luckier today because we can go though the door.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>       Indeed we can and here we are in the chamber, Dev.
                    The niches to our right and left were full of scrolls. On
                     either side are the stone benches you\u2019d expect in this
                     type of temple and down at the end is what looks like
                     the shell of a giant tortoise, or the bottom of a round
                     boat.  I don\u2019t remember seeing that at rehearsals.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        Neither do I.  Perhaps if we was to turn it round\u2026\u2026.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>       Hello, it\u2019s me!  I\u2019m the oracle with the coracle.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>         \u2019Oo let you in?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>       Nobody.  I just popped down a hole.  I\u2019m the oracle
                     with a coracle.  I know all about it, I\u2019ve been to the
                     library and asked.  I can prophesy.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        I can prophesy you\u2019re going to be in trouble.  You\u2019re
                     not authentic.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>       Yes I am.  I can read the prunes.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        Read the prunes?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>       Yes, I just put my hand in this bag of prunes and feel
                     the wrinkles, then I tell you all about it.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        Reading prunes isn\u2019t Roman.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>       How about casting entrails?  Look?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>        Casting entrails is Roman, Dev.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        Yes but not plaster casts.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>       Do you want to pull a wishbone? Go on, close your
                     eyes and make a wish.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        I wish you\u2019d go away and take all this rubbish with
                     you.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong><\/font>       I could throw the dice.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong><\/font>        We could throw you out.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong><\/font>       I could feel your bumps.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong><\/font>        Get your \u2019ands off me, you little pervert in a punt and
                     get out before we give you some bumps of your own
                     to feel.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong><\/font>        Yes, go away.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong><\/font>       I can feel the red mist.  I can see the future.  I could
                     read you next week\u2019s horoscopes.  I\u2019m not leaving
                     till I\u2019ve told you tomorrow\u2019s shipping forecast.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong><\/font>        I think he\u2019s gone completely barmy, Dev.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong><\/font>        It\u2019s being down this gloomy temple, Derek.  It gets
                    to you after a bit.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>       What shall we do?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>        Oh, pop a tarpaulin over him and go off to the pub.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Theme tune<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

*******************************************************<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

JaneLaverick.com – where we predict that starting the week with a laugh will make it a little less awful.  For three minutes.  After that you\u2019re on your own.  Do you open the post and read the bills before you read this, or the other way on?  Or do you read this, read the bad news quickly and then read this again sloooowly?<\/font><\/p>\n

 <\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Monday morning\u2026\u2026.who invented that?  What a rubbish way to begin the week.  I much prefer Thursday afternoon at 4 o\u2019 clock with a cup of tea and a bit of cake.  We will have to wait till the week … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[15,22],"class_list":["post-119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-knickerbocker-glory","tag-humour","tag-radio-play"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t