{"id":163,"date":"2010-04-07T14:00:28","date_gmt":"2010-04-07T13:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=163"},"modified":"2010-04-07T14:00:28","modified_gmt":"2010-04-07T13:00:28","slug":"knickerbocker-glory-with-beer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=163","title":{"rendered":"Knickerbocker Glory, with beer."},"content":{"rendered":"

For the benefit of new readers, readers with a poor memory, confused old readers and anyone who tuned into the wrong website by mistake, I think I should explain that Knickerbocker Glory, as well as being a large ice cream pudding, is the name of the set of radio plays that I wrote a decade ago that sat in a corridor for some months before limping home covered with genuine BBC dust.  At the time I had less experience of writer\u2019s rejection than I have now.  I have currently been touting my comic novel round for a good eight years; I had a fake literary agent for two and a half years until the police turned up on his doorstep and I still possess enough coffee stained rejection letters from real literary agents to wallpaper the back bedroom.  Incidentally if anyone reading is a publisher, or has an auntie who is a publisher, the novel is still very available, highly erudite, funny, has a short, short skirt, good legs, long hair, only screeches a bit on the top notes and would weep buckets the minute she got the part.  She\u2019s really only been born in order to be there on the stage starring and the  minute she\u2019s famous, will lose three stones in weight, temporarily marry another actor and instantly adopt six foreign orphans from photo opportunities round the world.<\/font><\/p>\n

The radio play, however, never got sent out again but has been served up here weekly, or possibly even weakly, archived under Knickerbocker Glory.  There are several playlets within.  We have regularly visited the radio archaeologist, Very Devon, his assistant who does all the digging, Derek Here and his nemesis, Coracle Man, a member of the public with a knack for turning up at recordings wearing a  boat and saying all the wrong things loudly as the tape is running.  In one episode Coracle Man put a pickaxe through a water main and I am still getting spam from plumbing agencies linked to that posting.  To umbrella this one from the spam showers I should perhaps point out that beer can be bought from pubs.  Well, at least that is my husband\u2019s belief.  As I keep telling him, you can really only hire it, once it\u2019s given your liver a work out it\u2019s keeping plumbers in a honest day\u2019s work again.<\/font><\/p>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/font><\/p>\n

                                  Archaeology Now
                                         Floors.<\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n

Quick burst of early English theme music, tambours and shawms.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Very Devon.<\/u><\/strong>      \u2019Ello and welcome to Archaeology Now with me, Very 
                   Devon and my assistant, Derek here. We\u2019re in the  
                   cellar of a modern pub where re flooring \u2019as uncovered
                   the remains of what might be a Roman floor under the 
                   old boards.  We\u2019re being very cautious even though we 
                   \u2019ave got three trays full of black and white tiles.  What
                   do we know for certain, Derek?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>       The best bitter\u2019s very good.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>       So it is and they do a lovely ploughman\u2019s lunch.  But
                    what about the floor?  \u2019Ow complete is it?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>      It\u2019s difficult to see because it\u2019s so dark down here. I 
                   think we should open the barrel hatch and get a bit
                   more light in.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong><\/font><\/font>      Good idea.  I\u2019ll do that.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sounds of hatch opening.<\/em><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong><\/font><\/font>      There, that\u2019s more like it.  Oh I say, look at that. \u2019Ow
                   impressive is that then?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/font><\/u><\/strong>        <\/font><\/font>It\u2019s massive. Very untypical black and white
                  geometrical pattern.  More like 1920s.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong><\/font><\/font>     There\u2019s writing look, over there, under the arch.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>    Cooee!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>     Oh \u2019ow annoying.  You open an \u2019atch and some fool
                  sticks \u2019is \u2019ead through.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>    Cooee, it\u2019s me!  Oh, hello, it\u2019s you.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>      Oh no, it\u2019s the idiot with the boat.  What are you doing 
                   \u2019ere?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>     I just saw the hole and thought it needed looking into. Is
                   that a tiled floor you\u2019ve dug up?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>      We thought it might be Roman.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>     Oh how fantastic.  I love the Romans.  Hang on, if it\u2019s
                   Roman why does the writing say \u2018Groceries\u2019?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>       What?  It\u2019s Latin, innit?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>     You\u2019re reading it upside down.  You can see it quite
                    clearly from up here.  Look: Dry Goods, Groceries.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>       Well, I\u2019ll go to the foot of our stairs.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>     I\u2019m not surprised at all.  You should have had me as a
                   consultant.  I only live round the corner.  This is where
                   the old grocery store used to be.  You should have 
                   asked me.  Do you want to come and excavate my
                   garden instead?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>      Definitely not.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>     Are you sure?  It could do with a dig.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>      I think this wants thinking about.  What do you think,
                   Derek?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Derek Here<\/u><\/strong>      My thoughts exactly.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Coracle Man<\/u><\/strong>     What are you going to do?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Very Devon<\/u><\/strong>      Close the \u2019atch and pop upstairs for a pint.  Mind yer
                  \u2019ead.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Theme music.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

JaneLaverick.com – cool, refreshing, silly.<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the benefit of new readers, readers with a poor memory, confused old readers and anyone who tuned into the wrong website by mistake, I think I should explain that Knickerbocker Glory, as well as being a large ice cream … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[73,74,22],"class_list":["post-163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-knickerbocker-glory","tag-archaeology","tag-beer","tag-radio-play"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t