{"id":242,"date":"2010-07-27T18:00:57","date_gmt":"2010-07-27T17:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=242"},"modified":"2010-07-27T18:00:57","modified_gmt":"2010-07-27T17:00:57","slug":"knickerbocker-glory-with-treacle-toffee","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janelaverick.com\/?p=242","title":{"rendered":"Knickerbocker Glory with treacle toffee."},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you know, it wasn\u2019t until I began typing up my rejected radio plays that I realised what a lot of food features in my writing.  I once wrote a novel featuring Pic\u2019n\u2019Mix.  It\u2019s still looking for a publisher, if you know one.  Meanwhile, this:<\/font><\/p>\n

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||<\/font><\/p>\n

                           The Village of the Dim.<\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n

                                The silent birds.<\/font><\/strong><\/p>\n

Rural music.  No birdsong.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Ethereal voice<\/u><\/strong>           Once again here we are deep in the countryside, nice
                      morning, clouding over later 50% chance of 
                      precipitation in the afternoon where the \u2013 wait a
                      minute \u2013 play the theme music again.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Rural music.  No birdsong.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Ethereal voice<\/u><\/strong>           Did you notice something missing? Again, please.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Quick snatch of rural music.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Ethereal voice<\/u><\/strong>           As I thought, no birdsong.  Well that is strange.  I
                      wonder why the birds have fallen silent here in the<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

FX Da Da Da!<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Ethereal voice<\/u><\/strong>          Village of the Dim?  How very odd.  Happily help is
                      at hand in the shape of the great detective,
                      Millennium Domes and his tame idiot, Watsup,
                      back in his native village to rescue the villagers
                      from a silent spring.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                       Listen Domes, my Auntie was right, there isn\u2019t a
                      single bird singing anywhere in the village.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                        It is indeed strange, Watsup, for birds were singing
                      loudly in the fields we passed to get here.  As you 
                      observed, the silence seems to be affecting only the
                      birds in the village itself, which is quite remarkable.
                      We must talk to some villagers.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                       Here comes the road sweeper, Domes.  Shall I ask
                      him?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                        You may interrogate him if you wish, Watsup.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                       Oh I can\u2019t do that, you know, Domes.  I haven\u2019t got
                      a table lamp and even if I had there\u2019s nowhere to
                      plug it in here in the street.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font>
<\/font><\/font>Domes<\/u><\/strong>                         A bright light is not necessary, old fellow, merely ask
                       him some questions.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                        Really, Domes?  Like a quiz, you mean. General
                       knowledge, that sort of stuff? Should he form a
                       team?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                          Questions about the silence, Watsup.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                         Very well, I\u2019ll try.  Excuse me, honest sweeper
                        how long has it been silent?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>(guessing)<\/em> Er, six inches?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                            Allow me, Watsup.  Road sweeper, have you
                        noticed the birds have stopped singing?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                        I have trapped my gigantic mackerel in the door and
                        now the end has come off.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                         I think you\u2019ve confused him, Domes.  Let me try.
                        Listen, honest sweeper<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Pause<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                          What do you hear?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                          Rol fiddly eye oh.  I can hear the sun shine.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                           Yes but can you hear the birds singing?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                           No but I can be sick in three different colours.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                              Aha!  Listen to that, Domes, even the road
                          sweeper has noticed the silence.  Tell me, road
                          sweeper, how long have you been able to hear
                          the sun shining?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                            Ever since I was a tadpole.  Don\u2019t breathe that
                          air, you\u2019ve no idea whose lungs it\u2019s been in!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                               I fear we will get nothing more from the road
                          sweeper, Watsup.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                            Have a bit of grit, it\u2019s lovely and crunchy!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                             Perhaps you\u2019re right. Domes.  Where shall we go
                          now?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                            Timbuctoo, my darling, on a slice of flying custard.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                               I think we\u2019ll go and talk to Mrs Cakemix at the 
                          village teashop.  It\u2019s just over there and we could 
                          have a coffee and cake, if you wish.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                              That would be splendid, Domes, we got up so
                           early, I missed breakfast.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                             I miss my bed and sleep on the floor, quite often.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                 Thank you for your time, road sweeper, goodbye.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Sweeper<\/u><\/strong>                              I can hide a lemon in  a very surprising place.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>(fading out)  <\/em>Thank you so much, please don\u2019t demonstrate.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

(Fade up) <\/em>Domes<\/u><\/strong>        <\/font>Ah, here is the teashop.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Tinkly bell<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                 Hello Mrs Cakemix.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                      Hello young Watsup.  Hello Mr Domes.  Go 
                            away, we\u2019re closed.  What brings you here?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                 We\u2019ve come to solve a mystery, Mrs Cakemix. 
                            Do you really want us to leave?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                      No, of course not, dearie.  It\u2019s just that I have to
                            warn people that I can\u2019t do a full menu because
                            of the shortages.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                   Shortages, Mrs Cakemix?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                      Yes, isn\u2019t it awful? I can offer you beverages  
                            as usual but the rest of the menu is limited to  
                            prunes, an omelette or a lollipop for after.  It\u2019s 
                            an absolute disaster for a cake shop.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                    Ah, I see.  What can you no longer offer,
                             Mrs Cakemix?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                      There\u2019s a very extensive menu that I cannot do 
                             at all. There\u2019s no cake, of course, no breads  
                             no scones or fancies.  Nothing that goes  
                             with toast, so no rarebit or baked beans. And 
                             it\u2019s worse than that, it\u2019s dried up my light 
                             lunches because there\u2019s no gravy or custard. I 
                             can\u2019t even do soup without rolls.  If the infants 
                             don\u2019t finish their scrapbooks soon, we\u2019ll all 
                             starve!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                    Domes this is terrible.  First all the birds stop
                              singing and now Mrs Cakemix can\u2019t even give
                              us anything to eat.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                         Oh you\u2019ve noticed the dickie birds, have you?
                              My goodness, young Watsup, you always were
                              quick as a slug. He was the first to notice when
                              the church fell down the mineshaft, Mr Domes.
                              Pity about the verger.  Still, never mind. And 
                              now it\u2019s all gone quiet, here he is, putting his
                              finger on the problem, bright as ink.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                      <\/font><\/font>How long have the birds been silent, Mrs
                              Cakemix?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                         <\/font><\/font>Well, let me see.  They stopped singing round
                              about Tuesday.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                      <\/font><\/font>And how long have the infants been doing 
                              their scrapbooks?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                         <\/font><\/font>Oh all week.  They started first thing  
                              Monday morning.  That\u2019s the problem
                              of course, it\u2019s been all week.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                     <\/font>Domes, I\u2019m confused.  What have the 
                               infants\u2019 scrapbooks got to do with
                               Mrs Cakemixes menu?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                       <\/font><\/font>All in good time, dear fellow.  First tell
                               me, Watsup, were you a member of the
                               infants school here in the<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

FX Da Da Da!<\/strong><\/em><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                       <\/font><\/font>Village of the Dim?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                      <\/font><\/font>Oh yes, rather.  Loved it.  I was in the 
                               infants until I was ten, or was it twelve?
                               That\u2019s five years or seven add twelve or 
                               ten is, oh dear. Well, a long time.  I 
                               could tell you exactly if I could take my
                               shoes and socks off.  Give or take a
                               bunion. <\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                        <\/font><\/font>Never mind, dear fellow.  Tell me, is 
                                it a large infants school?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                        <\/font><\/font>Absolutely enormous, Domes.  Huge. 
                                It has to be because there are so many 
                                infants in the village. You see everybody 
                                stays in the infants school until they can 
                                write letters with the correct end of the 
                                pencil and add up to, ooh, big numbers. 
                                Many never graduate to the junior school 
                                and the villagers traditionally have very 
                                large families because most never find  
                                out what\u2019s causing them.  The village 
                                would be full to overflowing if it weren\u2019t 
                                for the other tradition of leaving at  
                                sixteen and not coming back.  Some 
                                children get quite far.  In fact, Domes, 
                                there are Dim people scattered all over 
                                the world.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                          <\/font><\/font>You do surprise me.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                         <\/font><\/font>No, it\u2019s true, you know.  But I still don\u2019t
                                 see what this has to do with the shortages.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                           <\/font><\/font>Simply, Watsup, that the schoolmistress 
                                 decided the whole school should do 
                                 scrapbooks this week and accordingly 
                                 went out and bought all the flour in the  
                                 village to make flour and water paste. 
                                  Isn\u2019t that right, Mrs Cakemix?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                                <\/font><\/font>Exactly, Mr Domes and very cross I 
                                  was to find there wasn\u2019t a scrap of
                                  flour left anywhere.  I can\u2019t do my
                                  baking at all and there won\u2019t be another
                                  delivery until Saturday.  If you think I\u2019m
                                  upset, you should see the baker.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                             <\/font><\/font>Mrs Cakemix, I think we shall do just 
                                  that.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Cakemix<\/u><\/strong>                               <\/font><\/font>Turn the sign to closed on your way
                                  out, please.  There\u2019s no point in
                                  being open.  Nice to see you, young
                                  Watsup.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                            <\/font><\/font>Bye Mrs Cakemix.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Tinkly shop bell.<\/em><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                            <\/font><\/font>So now we know why Mrs Cakemix 
                                   has nothing on the menu, Domes but we
                                   still haven\u2019t discovered why the birds are
                                   silent.  I wonder if we shall ever know?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                               <\/font><\/font>I think we are about to find out, Watsup.
                                    Ah, here is the bakery.  Do you know 
                                    the baker by any chance?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                              <\/font><\/font>Yes, of course, Domes, I went to
                                    school with her.  She\u2019s called Flora Bun.
                                    She never married though she has 
                                    thirteen little Buns in the infants school.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                                <\/font><\/font>A baker\u2019s dozen, eh? <\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Tinkly shop bell<\/em><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                              <\/font><\/font>Ah, good day, Miss Bun.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                               <\/font><\/font>Good day to you sir, what a fine figure 
                                  of a man you are.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                           <\/font><\/font>Hello Flora.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                <\/font><\/font>Watsup!  Sweetie pie!  How are you?
                                   Give us a kiss.  I heard you had come
                                   back.  Give us a cuddle.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                           <\/font><\/font>Not at the moment.  This is my friend
                                  Millennium Domes, the great detective.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                               <\/font><\/font>Is he great?  I bet he is.  Come here and 
                                  let me find out.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                             <\/font><\/font>Thank you madam but I must decline.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                <\/font><\/font>Must you?  Can I watch?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                            <\/font><\/font>Now, now Flora, control yourself.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                <\/font><\/font>I\u2019ll try but it ain\u2019t natural.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                              <\/font><\/font>We\u2019re here to ask about the flour shortage
                                   Madam.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                 <\/font><\/font>Ain\u2019t it dreadful?  Look at the shop, it\u2019s
                                   empty.  Normally I could offer you so
                                   much.  At this time of the morning I
                                   usually have plenty of big white family
                                   loaves, trays full of lovely squashy
                                   doughnuts, baskets full of biscuits and
                                   more rolls than you could handle. And big
                                   enormous floury baps.  I always have
                                   enormous  floury baps.  But not today.
                                   I\u2019m like a shrivelled old lady, I\u2019ve got
                                   nothing on offer but little flat doilies.  My
                                   regulars are very upset, I can tell you.  Do
                                   you want a quick cuddle out the back?  Go
                                   on, it\u2019ll cheer us all up.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                             No thank you Madam but perhaps you
                                  could tell us who your regulars are?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                All and sundry, dear, I ain\u2019t particular.
                                  What a nice pipe.  I like a man with a nice 
                                   big pipe, yours has a shiny bowl and <\/em>a
                                   curly end. I like your curly end.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                             Quite.  Who is your best customer, might
                                   I enquire?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                You might enquire as much as you like.  I
                                  don\u2019t mind; I enjoy it. It\u2019s Mrs Looney.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                             Does she have a regular order, Miss Bun?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                Yes, my lover, she does.  You can have a
                                   regular order if you wants one.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                              What is it?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                 Whatever you like.  Wait a minute, I\u2019ll get
                                    a pencil.  There, now I\u2019m ready to take
                                    down whatever you say.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                              I think, Flora, that Mr Domes wants to 
                                    know what Mrs Looney\u2019s order is.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                   Oh, I see.  She has five large white loaves
                                    and two dozen baps every day regular as
                                    clockwork except Saturday when she has it
                                    twice.  You could order twice on Saturday 
                                    if you wanted.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                            No thank you, Flora, we\u2019re only passing
                                   through.  That is a very big order, Domes,
                                   considering Mrs Looney lives all alone.  It\u2019s
                                   very strange.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                            On the contrary, Watsup, I think it may 
                                   prove very enlightening.  Thank you Miss
                                   Bun, good day to you.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Flora<\/u><\/strong>                                                Good day to you, you two lusty young
                                   gentlemen.  I hope you\u2019ll come back and
                                   see my enormous baps another day.  Give
                                   us a goodbye kiss.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                          Thank you Madam, no.<\/font><\/font> Out Watsup, hurry   
                                she\u2019s coming round the counter.<\/font><\/p>\n

Tinkly shop bell, door slams.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                            My goodness, Watsup, we barely escaped
                                  there!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                          She\u2019s always been a very affectionate girl
                                  Flora; spreads herself round the village 
                                  no end.  Where to now, Domes?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                           I think we should seek out Mrs Looney,
                                 Watsup.  In fact if I\u2019m not mistaken
                                 that is her over there by the  duck pond.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>  <\/font>                                        So it is, Domes, well spotted.  Mind you, 
                                  she\u2019d be difficult to miss, nobody else is as 
                                 tall, skinny or fast.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                           Indeed Watsup, she is like jet-propelled string.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                        So she is, Domes but that wheelbarrow 
                                 she\u2019s pushing seems to be slowing her
                                 down.  Whatever is she doing?  She
                                 seems to be taking something from
                                 the barrow and throwing it at the ducks.
                                 Hello Mrs Looney!   
<\/font><\/font>  
<\/font><\/font>Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                 Well if it isn\u2019t young Watsup and his friend.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                         It is, you know.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                  I know, I recognised you straight away by
                                  your faces.  We might be stupid here in the<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

FX Da Da Da!<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                Village of the Dim but we\u2019re not stupid, you
                                know. Have you come to help?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                        What is that you\u2019re throwing at the ducks,
                                 Mrs Looney?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                Not at dear; to.  At would be nasty.  You
                                must be kind to all the feathery things.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                        Birds Mrs Looney.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                Them too dear.  Birds are my friends.
                                I like birds.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                          Do you feed them everyday Mrs Looney?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                 Yes Mr Domes, I get my little barrow and
                                 I go all round the village.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                        The bread, Domes, that explains why Mrs
                                 Looney buys so much bread!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                 That\u2019s right, Master Watsup.  What a quick
                                 little boy you are!  He\u2019s very intelligent you
                                 know Mr Domes.  He was the first one to
                                 notice where the church had gone when it
                                 fell down the mineshaft. Its a pity about
                                 the verger, still, never mind.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                           So you feed bread to all the birds in the
                                 village every day, Mrs Looney?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                  That\u2019s right, Mr Domes.  They\u2019re always
                                  waiting for me.  Some of them follow me
                                  from place to place and have seconds.  Isn\u2019t
                                  that lovely? Someone has to do it, you know
                                  otherwise they get very desperate and start 
                                  eating all sorts of nasty things.  Worms and
                                  beetles and all sorts of muck.  So I look
                                  after them and give them lovely fresh bread.
                                  Come to Mrs Looney my lovelies, come and
                                  get your breakfast.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                           But there isn\u2019t any bread this week Mrs
                                  Looney because of the flour shortages.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                   That\u2019s right, Master Watsup.  Bright as
                                  a puddle, you are.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                          So what have you been feeding them?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                            I think if you look in the wheel barrow,
                                 Watsup, you will see that it is full of treacle 
                                 toffee.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                         By Jove, so it is, Domes. Have you fed
                                 them with treacle toffee all week, Mrs
                                 Looney?  
<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                Except for tomorrow, young Watsup.  This is
                                the last barrow load the sweetie shop had. So
                                tomorrow it will be minty bullets.  Would you
                                like minty bullets, my lovelies? Its strange 
                                you know, they\u2019ve all stopped talking to me.
                                It\u2019s difficult to know what they want.  Would
                                you prefer liquorice allsorts, my little friends?
                                Oh I do wish they would speak to me.  
<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                         Mrs Looney, I think if you were to take a jug
                                of warm water round with you and perhaps
                                a saucer to pour it into that would remedy
                                the situation.  The birds are silent, I think you
                                will find because their beaks are stuck
                                together with treacle toffee.  Warm water for
                                them to wash in and drink and the passage
                                of time should have them talking to you
                                once more. <\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

  
<\/font><\/font>Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                Oh I never thought of that.  Do you think 
                                they would prefer tea?  How many sugars? 
<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                         No, my good woman.  I should just stick to
                                water.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                                No, I don\u2019t think you will because it isn\u2019t
                                sticky.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                        And neither will the birds, Mrs Looney.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                               Right ho, water it is.  We might be a bit
                               daft here in the<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

FX Da Da Da!<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Mrs Looney<\/u><\/strong>                              Village of the Dim but we are all capable of
                               learning.  Here you are my birdies, no more 
                               treacle toffee Mr Domes says, so tomorrow
                               I shall bring you a treat.  Humbugs tomorrow
                               and bubble gum on Friday.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                     My goodness, Domes, I think the whole
                              village will be glad to get fresh flour supplies
                              on Saturday.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                     Especially the birds, Watsup. Oh, here comes
                              Mrs On Won Hanger, proprietress of the
                              Chinese Laundry here in the<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

FX Da Da Da!<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Domes<\/u><\/strong>                                    Village of the Dim.  She at least looks happy.
                             Hello Mrs On Won Hanger, might we enquire
                             why you look so happy?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Hanger<\/u><\/strong>                          I rook happy because I rove riving here in the<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

FX Da Da Da!<\/strong><\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

Mrs Hanger<\/u><\/strong>                          Virrage of the Dim.  You terr me, where erse
                            does it lain tleacurr toffee?  Rook!  It is arr over 
                            the load.  Arr you have to do is pick it up.  I
                            have corrected thlee bags furr this morning
                            arone.  I\u2019m setting up a siderine as a sweet shop.
                            I understand the virrage sweet shop has lun out
                            of treacurr toffee so I\u2019m expecting a rot of
                            business.  My goodness I am panting with arr
                            of this bending over and picking up.  Rook!
                            There is more over there! <\/font><\/font><\/p>\n


<\/font><\/font>Watsup<\/u><\/strong>                                 Wait until Friday, Mrs Hanger, you\u2019ll be panting
                            but over the moon!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Mrs Hanger<\/u><\/strong>                        Reeve the pantaroons on the doorstep. I wirr
                            wash them tomollow!<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Rural music and birds coughing.<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

JaneLaverick.com \u2013 putting effort into being silly.<\/em><\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you know, it wasn\u2019t until I began typing up my rejected radio plays that I realised what a lot of food features in my writing.  I once wrote a novel featuring Pic\u2019n\u2019Mix.  It\u2019s still looking for a publisher, if … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[15,22],"class_list":["post-242","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-knickerbocker-glory","tag-humour","tag-radio-play"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t