Here kitty kitty.

If you read the previous post below, you won’t be surprised to hear I’ve spent the day interviewing lace.  I have a massive collection of small lace, which started probably thirty-five years ago.  As my dolls have gone down in scale the fineness of the lace and the size of the piece has had to shrink to match.  If you put a piece of lace trim that looks great on a twelfth scale doll on to a forty-eighth scale doll it looks ludicrous.

I have collected lace in many places.  When I went to Australia for my cousin’s wedding in 2008 1 found a great ‘op shop’ with quite a lot of old lace on the old cards from the old shop it had come from.  I have, of course, bought a lot of lace from haberdashers in miniature at Miniatura.  They are by and large very focussed individuals.  Hilary Spedding, the original Dolls House Draper, excelled at trading round the world and never let geographical distance get in the way of obtaining all the good stuff for her customers.  There was another haberdasher who described at length the extreme joy of sorting through the rubble of a bombed-out sundries factory on the edges of civilisation, and rescuing cards of ancient ribbon. Others waited until factories making fancy knicker trimming for a well-known high street clothing store, had an unfortunate surplus, whereupon they would wade in, arms akimbo and relieve the manufacturers at an advantageous price.

This afternoon I have begun what might be quite a lengthy task of designing Tudor doll kits.  I appear to have made the porcelain dolls in three sizes and confidently predict there will be much trial and error before the kits land on the stand, so I’d better get on because it is now six weeks to the show.

Talking of which, you might want a little look at a previous show.  Apparently there have been videos made at the show for a couple of shows.  I only found this out when I emailed Andy to ask if there could be videos and for lo!  There are!

Oh hooray!  Get in the mood right here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kkRDLMmMbo

this is on YouTube, if there are adverts just click on ‘skip’

Excellent!

Now where was I?  Oh yes. Here, kitty kitty!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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Miniature versions of dolls through history.

Do you remember this?

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These are a few of the dolls that got as far as the porcelain last show,  which I intend to offer as dolls’ dolls, dolls of the past and dolls from history.

I’m beginning here with a version of the French Fashion dolls which were so collectable in their heyday and continued to reprise their success right up to the 1960s when I recall them on various television programmes at quite startling prices for what had been toys for children.

On programmes like Going For A Song, on the BBC, experts such as Arthur Negus gave opinions and valuations of assorted antiques.  Programmes like these were required viewing in our house, my father having been a life-long collector of antiquities, furniture, pictures, ornaments and so on.  He was a builder.  In the school summer holidays I used to accompany him to the latest building site and get in the way of the brickies and help the carpenters.  We never went directly home.  Even when tea time was looming perilously close we invariably returned via one or more antique shops.  The car would be bowling along nicely when my father would suddenly pull in and park, announcing ‘Q shop.’  I would follow him into the shop and while he was doing the deals I would examine the stock, crawl under eighteenth century tables and look at hand sawn veneers, memorise pictures, and stare at elaborate china group figurines.  I had no idea I was getting an education until dolls house miniatures came along and I spotted factual errors in magazines for miniaturists trying to replicate history in miniature.  Writers who had only book learning copied mistakes in books, a state of affairs which sadly persists.

In one antique shop near Hexham there was a singing bird in a cage which I loved.  At the end of the visit the shopkeeper would make the bird sing for me.  I always asked to buy it and was laughed at because the beautiful automaton cost £100, an unthinkable amount for an ordinary family in the late 1950s and impossible for a child with sixpence a week pocket money.

Skip forward nearly a decade and there was the singing bird, introducing Going For A Song.  My father was very good at the valuations.  This was hardly surprising from such a red-hot collector.  I got good at them too and noted how often beautiful nineteenth century dolls commanded extraordinary valuations.  Arthur Negus continued for many years to be the TV expert on antiques, especially furniture.  My father continued to learn too.  When Arthur died suddenly in 1985 he had been due to give a talk.  My father was invited to give the talk in his stead.  By this time he had opened an antique shop and picture gallery in Cheltenham as a retirement business.  Just a couple of years later I fell down the miniature rabbit hole, finding, when I landed, that I had arrived with a wealth of knowledge about what should and should not be in a miniature house of any era.  I continued to learn, chasing the same knowledge back for a thousand years. After a few years, in reality, not needing to build the house anywhere but in my head.

Meanwhile I had discovered that all things miniature in houses were accurate tiny versions of full sized antiques, all except the dolls.

At the end of the Sixties the desire to reproduce beautiful antique dolls that could be sold for substantial sums of money when the actual antiques had all gone to live with collectors, coincided with and stimulated the development of, small kilns that would run off a domestic electricity supply.  As various businesses in America jumped on the band waggon, kilns and all the supplies necessary to make the dolls were exported all over the world.  Here in the UK we had already had many firms making porcelain items since the eighteenth century.  By the time I was interested in buying a kiln in the early eighties there were quite a few places to visit in and around the potteries in Stoke on Trent.

The American model of doll making was a sort of pyramid structure in which the aspiring doll maker could buy bottles of clay slip and moulds to pour the clay slip into, china paints, wig caps and all necessities.  Signed up for classes and starting by using the teacher’s kiln, the doll maker worked away until the day, months or years later when they could reproduce an antique porcelain doll.  The first moulds for reproduction were made from disassembled antique dolls.  I was told early in my interest that it was not possible for any ordinary mortal to make the original dolls from which to take moulds.  I was aware that one or two commercially available moulds had been made from ‘tweaked’ originals.  There were doll makers in the UK making dolls as a cottage industry, receiving supplies of dolls at every stage of manufacture and finishing and returning completed dolls for sale at fairs and by mail order.  A number of the nineteenth century factories they were copying had evolved in exactly that way.

The collectable porcelain dolls flourished from about a quarter of the way through the nineteenth century to the turn into the twentieth but the first and second world wars effectively killed them off because they were mainly produced in Germany and France.

Many parts of Germany have been toy producing areas of note since the middle ages.  In the beginnings of the industry, components were produced at varying locations and brought elsewhere to be assembled.  Doll heads were often made of different materials to bodies, which could be quite crudely modelled jointed wood or sewn cloth.  The heads could be of papier mâché or composition, which could be almost anything mixed with plaster which would harden into a shape when pressed into a mould.  No one knows which toymaker first thought of asking a china factory to make dolls heads.  There is a legend that the incredibly famous Meissen factory made dolls’ heads for a while, though no known examples survive.  London was one of the cities involved in assembly of components and doll dressing, as it had been since wooden dolls were sold at Bartholomew fair in Tudor times.

German porcelain heads were exported to France to have French bodies fitted and elaborate costumes added.  Expertise grew in adding glass eyes, real hair wigs and dolls which could walk, talk or move.  Porcelain bisque, which is to say, unglazed china, heads simulated skin more closely than glazed white china had previously done.

In doing a bit of reading up, to decide what kind of French Fashion doll to attempt, I picked up my Collins Gem doll book and found an error.  It describes heads needing special supports in the kiln to provide for the weight of any water still in the clay distorting the fired result.  This of course is incorrect.  If you put a wet head in the kiln it would explode and damage everything else in the vicinity.  In fact whether made from sheets of hard clay, soaked and pressed into moulds or from liquid clay poured in and out to make a casting, no porcelain doll head would be put in a kiln for first firing until it was dry.  Writers who have never fired a kiln assume the kiln drives off water in the clay.  It does not.  It drives off the jacket of air round each molecule of clay, shrinking the clay body, so that the shape emerging from the mould will be about 12% smaller than the clay that was put in.

This, interestingly, is why the porcelain dolls made from disassembled antique doll parts would never be the same as the originals, they would always be smaller.

By the mid century the commercial success of the beautiful dolls made in Germany and France was sufficient to justify the foundation of factories in both countries making every part of the doll in every type of material.  Competition between manufacturers drove the innovations; in the third quarter of the century some of the works of art produced were so great they immediately found their way to collectors and it is at this juncture that automatons of various sorts, including singing birds in cages, dolls playing pianos and rabbits rising from cabbages appeared in quantity.

I have made my doll to be from around this juncture of the history of these collectors’ dolls.

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I have given her all the joints a mid century doll would have, except that the originals, if mass produced for children, would be more likely to have cheaper composition or gusseted cloth bodies.  The head is on a neck socket joint.  This type of head with the neck as part of the head shape developed from the earlier white china shoulder head dolls, which persisted into late Victorian dolls’ house dolls.  When I began, this was the only type of commercial doll mould available.  I decided a joint at the base of the skull, as in you and me, gave a much better movement and modelled all my originals this way.  Returning to this older way of jointing, which was the preferred mid century joint at the Jumeau factory  has been a pain in the neck to say the least.  I can only do it now because of the development of resin jewellery elastic and my familiarity with it for stringing my 24th scale dolls.  I have also followed my own type of elbow and knee joints.  The composition moulded originals have ball and socket joints which work well but do not look pretty.

One thing all the Victorian dolls have in common is elaborate dressing with acres of lace and fancy hats.

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Like this.  There are five dolls in themed colours, which is also as the originals were.

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They all seem fairly cheerful and, as you can see, the joints give a range of movement.  If you want to put them in a Victorian toy shop they can stand on their stand in the window, or they could sit on the bed in your Victorian nursery, or in the glass case of your miniature museum.

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At just a whisker over three inches tall, they could be residents if you were wanting to make a one sixteenth old style house or oversized twenty-fourth, they could also be twelfth scale children.

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They have pierced ears, earrings, bracelets and hats.  Needless to say, if you are a big doll collector looking for a doll for your doll…

I may in the future shrink these.  I did intend these just to be for shrinking initially because I couldn’t really predict how well the socket head would work with the resin elastic.  As it was, though I poured plenty, only five got through all the processes and I couldn’t bear to use one in bits to make moulds from.  I might pour some more after the Min to shrink in the future.

Meanwhile I have older type  white china heads, ancient Greek dolls, seventeenth century dolls and, after years of requests, Tudor dolls’ dolls, which may, with a bit of luck, turn out to be doll kits, to be getting on with.

The history of dolls is as old as little girls.

And big girls and collectors who have not abandoned their childhood friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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The best laid plans…

It had been my intention today to have a solid day of doll dressing, interspersed with telling you all about nineteenth century French Fashion dolls, which may have been responsible for doll mania in the twentieth century, the development of the domestic kiln in America and so much more.

However – oh there’s always a however, isn’t there?

On my way to bed last night, planning today, as I removed the plug from the bathroom basin there was a whoosh and a mighty gurgle, and for lo!  The shower tray suddenly filled from the plug hole.

Being a plumber’s grand daughter, I was not phased.  I popped downstairs in my shreddies, fetched the plunger and plunged the sink.  This had the interesting effect of filling the shower tray further.  The OH on his way to bed also had a go with similar results.

Occurrences of this nature are not very sleep inducing.  Trying to work out the plumbing system to deduce why a blockage in one place would cause a flood in another, is much less effective as a means of dropping off than counting sheep.  So, for the next few hours I plunged the shower drain and then lay in bed and worried.  ‘It might go down overnight,’ the OH suggested.

Mmm hmm.  So, upon the morrow, up and dressed at crack of dawn, I then started a little worrying about the amount of cash available for such luxuries as plumbers at the end of January.

Subsequently I took myself off to the supermarket to buy the own brand, cheap, drain un-blocker.  This is identical to the posh one but half the price. Unable to locate it, I asked an assistant for help.  She consulted her phone and came up with the information that all the own brand products in the cleaning isle are being rebranded and will be available for purchase next week.  I think the English for this is that they are going to have an increased price and fancier packaging.  So I bought two bottles of the stuff that was four quid a bottle – four quid for a small bottle of stuff to literally pour down a drain.

Back at home with the eight quid purchase we could happily have used for, oh I don’t know, food e.g.  I was not super happy when the OH, with whom it had been agreed that the best place to pour the liquid gold was down the basin drain, rather than the flooded shower, went and poured the bottle down the shower drain.

This proving expectedly ineffective, a couple of hours later, as the shower flood plain increased in volume, I fetched the dustpan and a bucket and did a bit of baling out.  The OH very reluctantly agreed to assist me in levering the manhole cover in the front garden upward sufficiently to see if the blockage was toilets as well.  After a bit of toing and froing he operated the spade, I grasped the edge of the cover and he had a squint.

The blessed emptiness possibly indicating the locality of the problem as being confined to the basin/shower interface, was a relief.  The OH had an idea.  Remembering that the vacuum in his collapsed workshop shed was a wet and dry effort, he fetched it, and after coating the side passage in fluff by brushing the filter with the dustpan brush, brought it upstairs and began suction.  Unfortunately he did not see fit to block the hole by which the exhaust is normally joined to the extractor in his shed, prior to filthy water vacuuming.

Therefore the extracted shower water exhausted itself all over the rest of my bathroom especially the magazines I haven’t read yet and the penultimate, before pay day, toilet roll.

Ideal. So when I’d cleared the rest of the bathroom up, the shower tray seeming empty-ish, he squirted the rest of solid gold bottle number two down there.

This was some hours, during which a great deal of worrying and little doll dressing has occurred, ago. Currently the shower tray is still magically filling itself from the drain hole so I doubt there’ll be much sleep tonight.  As soon as I’ve checked this I’ll be back in the bathroom, dredging.  Then, if the last of my savings has transferred itself from my Christmasly depleted savings account to my take-it-out-and-hand-it-to-the-plumber account, there may be a plumber tomorrow, depending.

I think it is seven weeks to Miniatura, I have six trays of dolls to dress and a kit to design.

But, apparently, I am plumbing.

Flipping typical.

~~~~~~~~~~~~


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French fashion.

Do you remember these dolls?

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These are the French Fashion dolls which I didn’t get round to dressing last time.  It takes about six months for an idea to get out of my head and into porcelain reality, usually.  However, if I have a  lot of ideas at once I tend to do the porcelain part, which is the idea, the sculpting, mould making pouring and firing for several items at once which leaves little time for dressing.

The idea I had was to do not just miniature dolls, which you could argue, quite reasonably, all dolls house dolls are anyway, but to do miniature versions of dolls throughout history to be dolls for the dolls in the dolls house.  Doll’s dolls.  The smaller ones of which might be dolls’ doll’s dolls.

Obviously.

They would, I thought, also be very good as stock for miniature toy shops of different eras, handy in nurseries across the years, nice as authentic inhabitants for repro houses and, most of all, maybe, just very good for doll collectors.

I had a phase of that well recognised disease, doll mania, when I just needed a doll of many different eras so badly I was quite prepared to hate museums that owned them.  Imagine being a doll that had been made to be loved by a little girl, spending your dotage on a shelf in a museum merely being dusted.

As you can see only five of the French Fashion dolls made it through all the processes.  This week I have dressed two in a million frills like the originals.

For a couple of days doll dressing is suspended.  Tomorrow the family are coming for postponed Christmas, so today is cleaning windows and similar fun.  I always go mad cleaning the house when the S&H and family are on the way.  Someone said to to me once ‘Didn’t he live there?  Doesn’t he know how clean the windows usually are?’

Good point which I have no time to make as I have an appointment with a bucket of water and a squeegee.

Stay tuned for a potted history of the nineteenth century Fashion doll industry and more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Artistic activity.

Probably thirty years ago, or more, Terry Curran asked me, now that I had turned my hobby into my job what I was going to do for a hobby.

Good question, card making might be one of the answers.

It has the benefit of being easy.  The explosion in card making coincided with the explosion in die cutting which occurred with the introduction of die cutting machines, that anyone could afford.  Previously a die cutting machine was the sort of thing you would find in a factory which was doing so well it could afford to splash thousands on a machine to cut things out.  The clothing industry had plenty of them cutting out fabrics for mass production of clothes but the production line surged sideways into cutting out anything else flat, including card and paper and eventually the machines that started in box making factories were domesticated.  The first ones were basically like an old mangle.  Hand turned rollers squashed raised metal shapes into paper to cut the paper out.  Very quickly the home version, which had started with cutting out paper shapes progressed to cutting out complex printed paper shapes.  Once the domestic machines were electrified, you could cut out lots of shapes without getting an arm like Popeye.  Anyone can do it but the results are dependant on the artistry of the person producing the artwork for the paper shape to be cut.

I don’t think that I would ever sell anyone else’s art, everything I do is collectable because it is original, but as a hobby it’s perfect.  I do it if I feel a bit off, I do it if I can’t get my own artistic juices flowing and I do it for fun.  I’ve been making cards for about thirty years, the first were photographs of my dolls, I didn’t have a die cutting machine.  Watching the now defunct Create and Craft TV persuaded me to buy a machine and upgrade to an electronic machine, though the latter upgrade had a lot to do with my first broken arm.

I’ve espoused artwork from many places.  Easily my favourite currently is Carnation Crafts.  Here they are: www.carnationcrafts.co.uk

They provide downloadable artwork and the dies to cut it out and broadcast a demonstration of the dies and what can be done with them.  They also have email subscriber exclusive offers.  The latest one is a frame with a squirrel looking at you.  It is only three inches tall by two wide.  All the parts are readily snippable apart, so that combining various colourways in different manners can produce something quite original.  Rather than sticking flat, layers of paper can be raised by foam tape to provide a more three dimensional result.

I snipped out the backgrounds and water coloured them

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Glued them back inside and either added the stacked frame and character to a plain background, as produced in the set on offer,

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and then got creative using characters from previous releases

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or went the whole hog, added the coloured background and all sorts of extras to the frame.

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This is not difficult, if you can afford a machine and some dies and print off the artwork you can do it.  Thirty years into this hobby if anyone receives a card I’d bought from a shop they’d be deeply offended.  Just like the dolls house stuff I’m going to have to live to at least a hundred and six to use all the dies and print offs.  Just like miniatures once you get going the ideas come thick and fast.  One great advantage of this  hobby is that failures simply go in with the paper recycling.

I’m enjoying this currently but once I have really shaken this dreadful virus, or whatever it is, I shall be back to the reality of dolls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Still achoo.

As I still have this streaming cold I don’t feel well enough to do much.  Television is stupid.  (You noticed?)  Books are heavy to hold and I only have five minutes before I cough again.  I need something which you can do with no effort for five minutes at a time, which does not involve someone selling me something I don’t want, or gloomy stuff about the world, or the weather.

And, for lo! Here it is. This is it.

So I randomly picked a topic from the list to the right and read the third one.  Did you know if you scroll down to the bottom and follow the arrow to the right it takes you to the next post?  If you go left it takes you to the previous post.

Anyway I got into the middle of 2013, a year after my father died, when I was new to being a carer.  I cannot imagine how I lived through all of that.  My relatives were so horrible. I had forgotten how so many people who had no intention of helping financially or practically expected in my scant time off to have two hour phone calls keeping them up to date.  I had forgotten that my cousin turned up on the doorstep explaining that he was next of kin now and wanted a copy of my father’s will to see how much he was getting, completely ignoring my mother who was still alive.

I had forgotten about my broken arm going mouldy and having to have the plaster off and the hooks removed.  To this day I have a dimple in my wrist and one in my hand.  I had forgotten that regardless of the medics here telling me to do nothing on peril of my bones not mending, the care agency there demanded my presence, so they could save their skins and my mother patting me endlessly on the broken arm until it swelled up so I couldn’t get a sleeve over the wrist.

This month in five days it will be eight years since my mother died and I think she is beginning to wear off a bit.  I counted on my fingers and found it was 2023 at this time of year that I should have been celebrating surviving cancer for five years but I was still so ill from the adhesion surgery I missed it.

2012 to 2017 is five years but eight years to be absolutely recovered. Nobody ever tells you this.  No fortune teller ever said ‘You are going to spend eight years of your life caring, or recovering from caring, for someone who abused you, at the cost of your health, wealth and happiness.’  That’s a ninth of my life.

At the start of a new year the ancient god in charge is Janus, who looks both ways.  It’s worth squinting down the lane of the past to watch yourself running through a hailstorm of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune to get to here and notice how you are building resilience every step of the way.

I’ve posted this in Dementia Diaries just in case you are a new carer.  You do eventually come out of it at the other end with the wisdom of experience, the strength that only negotiating extreme difficulty for many years can grow and the knowledge that you can do a lot more than you thought you could do.

If caring for someone demented looks to be the year ahead of you, good luck, every little thing I found is here to be read.  For myself I am looking to the future and hoping for dolls, writing, and cheerfulness and expecting all of them to come from within.

~~~~~~~~~~

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Achoo.

Yes I have the cold.  If I were a man it would be flu.  The OH brought it home and sat and sneezed without benefit of a handkerchief or tissue, saying that he was paralysed when sneezing.  It took two days of thinking I’d escaped, three days of a throat feeling like a trick razor swallower where the trick had gone wrong and four nights of not sleeping for coughing and now here I am.

My feet are like blocks of ice because I decided I wasn’t well enough for a work out.  I nearly coughed until I was sick this morning, however, being female I have managed to empty two bins, clean the sink and feed the birds, despite the freezing fog.  I am glad not to be a farmer having to get up and go out to care for livestock.

Outside the freezing fog is clinging to the spider webs, miracles of architecture that they are.  If my breath didn’t turn into freezing fog outside, I’d photograph them for you.

I do not understand people who talk about the majesty of winter or the joy of ice.  I do not comprehend arctic explorers.  I have a well travelled school friend who went to Antarctica to see a penguin colony.  She said the smell was so dreadful you could hardly breathe.  You don’t get that information on picturesque wildlife films, do you?

I was forced to go skiing with the school in the 1960s.  I was not grateful.  I had a pair of borrowed wool trousers from my cousin that were half lined.  The outside was worn smooth but, as she had skinny legs the inside was in much the same condition as when it came off the sheep.  Sheep must be very patient, you never see them jumping around the fields because they are itching, tickling themselves with their own wool.  Imagine if you were a sheep and found you have a wool allergy.  If we could teach sheep to use scissors, your winter jumper would be acrylic and that would be the choice.  I did once interview an Australian doll maker who wandered for very very very many miles along a barbed wire fence, in Australia, collecting wool from sheep who couldn’t wait to get sheared but were rubbing up against the fence.  This, of course, is the danger of importing animals to unknown lands.  You’d never get this problem with kangaroos.  When they leap, sprung up with a boing by those tails, they’re creating a fan of cold air up their nether regions.  Adapted by evolution, you see.  Built-in air cooling.

I see dog walkers from the upstairs window, they look utterly miserable but the dogs are doing what they are told and being grateful for a trip out.  This is the good thing about cats.  Next door’s cats come through the garden at speed, this time of year, heading for their cat door.  You could never train a guide cat for the blind; if they didn’t want to go shopping they wouldn’t go and if they fancied coming back via the top of the garden wall and flattened under the hedge, they would, dragging a gasping owner at speed as the cat door loomed.

I feel sorry for the birds.  If you knew that you would be reanimated as a garden bird after mortality struck, fewer people would be badly behaved.  I put out fresh water but it’s so cold it was solid under an hour.  I had a delivery of a massive bag of small suet and very good seed which I’m putting on the table and on the ground but the little birds only feed early in the morning.  I don’t know what they do as the day wears on, they do like to sit concealed inside the camellia bush.

Thank goodness for the great indoors.  That was possibly the greatest human invention ever.  The first day someone sat in the cave poking the fire, watching the dinosaurs galumphing past and decided to stay in, that was the start of civilisation as far as I’m concerned.  Yes I know, agriculture, Olympic games, black ball in the bag, Julius Cesar, Industrial and various other revolutions all overshadowed, for my money, by William Caxton, cavity wall insulation, and the seventeenth century development of the wing chair, the great heroes of staying in.

Get warm and comfy, pass the tissues and do a bit of reading (there’s sixteen and a half years of reading here, you could do a lot worse, especially with a cold, in the winter.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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Piles.

Yes, I have piles, I have piles of piles and lots of them.  Putting cream on them will not help.  Sucking my stomach in and thinking of higher things is no help at all and eating prunes doesn’t make a hap’orth of difference.

What I have is book piles.

I can remember a time when I did not have book piles.  It was in the nineteen fifties.  I had a bookcase in my bedroom which had a longer lower section then a shorter mid section and one box on top, so the form was of steps with a stepped section for displaying other things in case you had a bookcase but didn’t really like books.  The whole effort was covered in a toffee coloured varnish on the outside but the inside was painted yellow.  There was a lot of pale lemon yellow around generally in the fifties.  All my aunties had lemon yellow twinsets.  My older cousins had lemon twinsets and sticking out skirts.  My mother had a cream, verging on yellow, kitchen with red handles on the cupboards.  It was the latest thing. One aunt had a black and white kitchen which had been the latest thing before the war and another aunt, the one with the money, had a bathroom that was black and white tiles in patterns like an art deco cinema.  I was always amazed when I used the facilities that there was not a flapper with a swansdown boa and a cigarette in a foot long amber holder reclining in the bath.

The aunt with the money was married to the uncle who had earned it and had a drawing room with big book cases nicely filled, which I envied.  Other aunts did not notably have books to envy, they were much more likely to be readers of women’s magazines and did swap opinions of recipes from magazines at coffee mornings.

My mother realised I was a reader quite early and brought me back books from the library when she went shopping in town every Friday.  When I think about it this was not only a kindness, it was also an effort.  We had a family car, but my mother was unable to drive and did not learn until the Sixties.  In the fifties driving was for men, among the aspiring classes.  All those women in the war driving tanks and vans and delivering aeroplanes might as well have not happened in the family I got adopted into.  The demarcation lines between the sexes were iron clad.  Men did not pick up tea towels, women did not drive cars. So my mother went in to town on a Friday on the bus and returned the same way with a woven wicker shopping basket on wheels, full of books.

Usually by the time she had unpacked the shopping and put everything away I had read at least one book.  She couldn’t keep up with me and never complained but I developed the habit of stacking the books and reading them as many times as I could before they disappeared the following Friday.

We moved house in ’64 to the house my father had designed and built, being a builder.  He built me bookcases too.  I filled them but they never overflowed because I was a teenager and didn’t earn money.  When I left home and was a young teacher with a flat he made me a collapsible bookshelf which I took down to Nottingham flat in my car and erected and filled.  I have it still, it lives in the loft filled with the books of my youth and the Sixties.

In the flat I still didn’t have book piles.  I didn’t have much spare money, running the car seemed to take up a lot of money and, of course, being in my twenties, going out was a necessity.

I believe I may have developed book piles after the S&H was born.  I certainly recall piles of books on my bedside table being helpful during the wakeful nights.  You can rock a baby with one hand and hold a book with the other easily, in this way never resenting the baby but being delighted there is extra reading time.  I have always been delighted that there is extra reading time.

As we were only in the next house for a couple of years not only did book piles not develop, we had no money for books at all, as we were living in an area within reach of London for people commuting for work, so everything was priced accordingly.

Finally moving here we could afford to live and buy books.  I was  tutoring and had a bit of spare money but we were intending to stay here just a short time because the OH quickly got a job elsewhere and we prepared to move house.  We had bought one tall bookcase when we moved here and one short one and, once we knew we would be moving, there didn’t seem any point in investing in more furniture until we knew what sort of house to fit the furniture into.

We never moved, I never stopped acquiring books but we never bought any more bookcases.  In another year and a half we’ll have been here for forty years, with thirty eight years’ worth of book piles.

This of course is the thing about the new year.  You can make all the resolutions you like but the unforeseen will still creep out of the shadows of the future and bite you on the ankles.  I firmly intended for nigh on forty years to buy  more bookcases when I moved house.  Great.  I just never moved house.

And now I have piles.  I have them in the loft, near the bookcase, in boxes.  I have them towering conveniently near to my bed (these are the really dangerous ones, I’m not sure you can wake in the night and Learn Perspective Drawing in Two Weeks, though I have frequently given it a go.)  And, as you know the garage is not only filled with them but lovely neighbours add to them on a regular basis.  Putting them out on a trolley fools no one, after a slow start, I effortlessly assemble more than I can bestow.

Only a non reader (which isn’t you) would offer the solution of having once read them, you can scrap them.  What sort of person would read Wind in the Willows once?  I have three shelves of Terry Pratchett.  One is a signed one which the S&H queued for hours in the cold in Dundee to get for me when he was a student.  In the top ten of my possessions, ever.

So I have book piles.  There is a skill to piling books which takes into consideration not only the size of the book (biggest on the bottom, smallest on the top) but frequency of use.  I have phases of reading the same book three times just to check, so that needs to be near the top of the pile even if the surface area considerably exceeds a pile of five below it.

This method of filing naturally leads to book avalanches, which I don’t resent at all.  If they happen in the night I take it as a sign that the book which has ejected itself from the pile has something to offer, so I read it again.  In this way the stratification of individual piles is constantly evolving.

E reader, I hear you mutter.  Kindle?  Yes got one of those and regret not buying all the Alan Partridge books in paper, I think they would look good in a pile.  I have bought the latest in paper, it is arriving tomorrow and I know just which book pile it will perch on top of in a couple of days.

I do recycle the newspapers.  I’ve seen the television programmes about people who have to be rescued from newspaper piles.  In fact, I’ve got a book about it, it’s here somewhere, in one of these piles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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End of year* pop quiz.

Television channels and magazines are full of them, this time of year.  Quizzes, that is.  This is actually because no editor can get the journalists out of the bar for love nor money.  Here the quiz is because I like you to feel this blog is edgy**, competitive*** and very very trendy.****

It is a pop quiz but not terribly up to date for the simple reason that I stopped listening to pop music about forty years ago.  I don’t even understand the names of the artists anymore.  They call themselves things like ‘Snoof buffalo earwax 93’ but I bet their mothers call them Kevin.

I have written and researched the questions but sadly ran out of time for the answers.  This is a good thing as it means you can’t be wrong, always a good quizzer’s attitude, I feel.  There are absolutely no prizes, don’t try to call a call line; there isn’t one and you can post your name and address to anywhere you like before next Wednesday and you still won’t win a house in the Algarve, or a flat in Manchester, or a speedboat*****

Ready?  Oh, I should have said, it’s multiple choice, so not having any idea at all of the answers is no bar to success, just like the TV quiz shows.  All we need is a quiz show host

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There you are.  Right, off we go.

1) Who was Sade’s ‘smooth operator’?  Was it:
a   an eyebrow threader
b   a spanx retailer
c   Dyson hair tongs
d   a Botox specialist
e   a particularly short sharp leg waxer

2)  When Queen wanted it all and wanted it now, who were they talking to on the phone?  Was it
a    the local water agency about the water coming out of the taps knotted and a funny shade of green?
b     a robot to go and fetch an actual human to close a bank account
c     a manufacturer in a country where no one speaks English to get a missing charger for a brand new, very expensive all singing smartphone, or it would be if you could charge the battery

3)   ‘Wheels on fire rolling down the road’ refers to:
a     a fashionably tight pair of boots that were pinching her bunions
b    the size of her ankles after a long haul flight to a gig in China
c    a quotation from a garage for rotating her radials

4)   In the song ‘White Christmas 24’ what is causing the white?  Is it
a    snow – come on it’s 15 degrees out there
b   dandruff
c   an explosion in the local toilet roll factory caused by a fatberg blocking the main drain

5)   What do you want if you don’t want money?  Could it be
a    Someone reliable to clean the gutters
b   a pair of jeans that fits around the waist without causing a muffin top
c    slippers with a reasonable heel

6)   In the song ‘Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away’ what other items were selected for regifting but not mentioned in the lyrics?
a    a bottle of hai karate aftershave from 1973
b   lace trimmed Yfronts with a dancing poodle motif
c   52 small charity shop gift bags made from recycled saris

7) In the Bing Crosby song, why was it beginning to look a lot like Christmas, was it?
a     Chocolate Easter Eggs in the supermarket
b   you’ve just discovered three Amazon deliveries with unknown names and blurred addresses in your green bin
c    your inbox is rammed with January Sale adverts from online places you visited once who got your contact details and are persistently delete resistant

8)   In the song ‘I will do anything for love but I won’t do that’. What was it he wouldn’t do?
a    vacuum the stairs
b   empty the dishwasher
c   clean the oven
d   take out the recycling
e   fish the gunk out of the plughole
f   clean the toilet properly and then clean the loo brush
g   wipe his feet on the mat instead of trailing mud up the hall
h   arrange some flowers that were gifted by a neighbour into a vase
I   bring a clean tea towel downstairs for the kitchen
j   do anything at all with a used tea bag except leave it on the side of the sink

Answers
Anything you like, really, or, all of them especially 8

Poptastic, wasn’t it?

~~~~~~~~~~~

* Any year
**not very
***no
****about forty years ago
*****handy in Meriden, centre of the UK but there is no need to worry as there are no prizes anyway.  The only reward is the satisfaction of knowing you did a quiz, about something popular and got it right.

Well done. If anyone says you’re not up with the date or down with the kidz (see how very modern that looks, replacing the letter s to indicate a plural with the letter z, which doesn’t, but is edgy (see **).). You can tell them you did a pop quiz and won.  If you need proof send a self addressed stamped envelope and I’ll return it with ‘yes’ written on a bit of paper inside.******

******Though you still won’t have won a speedboat.



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Site Information

Site information isn’t just the title of this posting, it’s a category.  The information I have is that I haven’t been posting because of post.  The need to get the cards in the post was, as usual, urgent.  I’m saying this time it was because of the family situation with the job and the kidney donation but, really, it might be more accurate to say nothing gets done without a deadline.

The OH has an alternate family he has adopted, for whom he has bought presents in a sale, which he is now wrapping to give.  I’m quite surprised, I was expecting Christmas eve drama.

The holiday always creeps up on everyone.

I have in the past done all the shopping early, which absolutely kills the excitement.  I’ve shopped in the summer sales for presents and then bought a similar thing twice because I couldn’t find the first one.  The thing not to do is to buy something that might be a present for someone unspecified.  It will still be in the drawer years from now, unless you entertain a lot.  I have been entertained at such an event where a recipient was given an address book with a very seventies cover at a noughties party and the S&H, who was three at the time, was given an adult torch, which he loved.

I do remember standing at a bus stop in the rain just a few days before Christmas, with arms so full of presents I looked like a participant in Double or Drop and about to be gifted a cabbage if I did.  I remember doing this twice particularly, once in Sunderland, once in Leamington Spa.  Each time I knew I had exactly the right things for exactly the right giftees.  This is a rare and treasurable state of mind.  Generally if you find something utterly apposite it is unaffordable.  Anyone would welcome a Rolls Royce or a really enormous diamond ring.

What I really want is more time.  I feel this year that I can do the usual seasonal things such as three hours in a crowded shopping centre, but that afterwards I could do with a really long sit down.  I think the OH and I have had subclinical something or other, we’ve been a bit fluey and sneezy but it never developed, thanks probably to the autumn injections.  Also, the gift I am trying to give myself is a bit of weight loss before Christmas rather than the hatred of the post-festival older and wider hips that leads to three weeks of workout and sad starvation in the presence of trifles going off in the fridge and a half empty chocolate box, where hunger leads to the disgusting strawberry cremes being desirable right up to the point where the swallowing occurs. Not only will one swallow not make a summer beach-ready body, a whole flight of them will guarantee it isn’t, ever.  So I am cutting down on food now, which could well be why I have less energy.

Some energy is well spent at this time of year, some not.  I carefully made 65 very complex cards involving numerous processes and portraits of the OH and self, done from a selfie (because if I’d done them from a mirror no one would have recognised us except us.)  I had the list and the OH’s list.  Mid week I was done and gave the OH his share, whereupon he announced he wasn’t sending any this year.  Then he got a card from a relative and had to.  He tells me he cannot take them to the pub because he now goes to a different pub.  Had he told me this a month ago I could have made a mere 53 cards a lot faster.

The family will be coming for Christmas in January when the DIL is well enough to travel, minus a kidney, which removes the urgency a terrible amount.  So I am off to wrap the presents (boxes with some presents already having been sent) for January, so that, even in the event of no deadline at all, it gets done.

And then I will decorate, which will be early for me.

The OH announced darkly this morning that we were the only house on the street without decorations, as if he was going to do something about it.  As I have traditionally remarked, Christmas is a festival of work for women, wherever you are in the world.  Also I appear to have arranged for the central heating boiler to be serviced early doors January, which means that anything I haven’t bought now, I will not buy and we can jolly well do without.  You have to do this in order not to join in with the third week in January Festival of misery-nothing-else-nice-will-ever-happen-again-I-didn’t-get-anything-I-wanted-and-now-I-am-fat-too, celebrations.

Bah without the humbug, humbugs are fattening.

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A woman lies in bed on Christmas eve but cannot sleep for a noise: rap, rap, rap.*

She gets up and checks the turkey in the oven to make sure she didn’t accidentally turn the oven on.

She goes back to bed and hears: rap,rap,rap.  She gets up again and leans out of the window to see if the neighbours’ children are having a rap party.  They aren’t so she gets dried and goes back to bed.

Rap, rap, rap.  She gets up, puts her slippers on and a cardigan and goes out to the car to check it isn’t being stolen.  The wind blows and she just manages to run back to the door and jam her foot in it before the door slams shut.

She washes her foot and puts a sticking plaster on it and then goes back to bed.

Rap,rap,rap. Rapraparaprap, cher, boof, boof, boof, champ, champ.

Yes, it was her husband snoring all along.  She hits him and tries to go to sleep but now she is cold and it’s five o’ clock anyway, so she gets up and makes a cup of tea.

Ho, ho, ho.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you think it was the wrapping paper?

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