For the benefit of any recent readers, I should just mention that Knickerbocker Glory was a radio series that never got broadcast. Still to come is one Archaeology Now and the entire series of six playlets of me piece of resistance which is going to take forever to type up when I get the chance.
Scene: just outside a football ground, somewhere in the world.
Seller Lucky rabbit’s foot! Get your lucky rabbit’s foot! Ah, sir,
lucky rabbit’s foot?
Buyer It’s not very lucky for the rabbit, is it?
Seller Well, lucky me! How environmental of you and cleverly
spotted, if I may say so sir. It is, however, perfectly OK
to buy because between you and me this is a mock rabbit’s
Buyer From a mock rabbit, no doubt.
Seller Yes, sir, grown in a dish, in a laboratory in Taiwan.
Buyer Not a real rabbit at all, then.
Seller Only the feet are grown, sir. On a plastic sprue. Ten at a time
no animals were injured during the making of this suitcase of
lucky rabbit’s feet in any way.
Buyer So when you say ‘lucky rabbit’s foot’ it actually has nothing
to do with a rabbit.
Seller Bless your conscience sir, nothing, no.
Buyer Well, in that case you shouldn’t be shouting ‘lucky rabbit’s
foot’ should you? I could do you under the trade descriptions
Seller Lucky lookalike rabbit’s foot! Get your lucky lookalike
rabbit’s foot here!
Buyer It doesn’t look like a foot, either. There’s no paw pad.
Seller Lucky lookalike rabbit’s appendage!
Buyer They’re dayglo pink.
Seller Lucky lookalike rabbit’s appendage in an unrealistic
colour! Get your lucky appendage here!
Buyer What’s lucky about them?
Seller Lucky for me if you buy one sir.
Buyer Why should I buy one?
Seller My wife is a disadvantaged person.
Buyer Well that’s all right then, that’s charity. And it’s tax
deductable. How much?
Buyer Oh well, cheap, deductable, charity, why didn’t you
say so? Here’s 40p.
Seller Here’s your appendage, sir.
Buyer Can I have a receipt?
Seller If you must, sir. The customer is always right. I’ll write it
on the back of this bus ticket. There you are.
Buyer Nice to do business with you.
Seller Likewise sir, likewise. Lucky lookalike rabbit appendages!
Get them here!
Buyer By the way, it seems indelicate to ask, but how is your wife
Seller She’s married to me sir. Lucky appendages! Get your
JaneLaverick.com so be should I lucky? Lucky? Lucky? (Tinternet Philosophy degree – module one.)