Knickerbocker Glory, with feet.

For the benefit of any recent readers, I should just mention that Knickerbocker Glory was a radio series that never got broadcast.  Still to come is one Archaeology Now and the entire series of six playlets of me piece of resistance which is going to take forever to type up when I get the chance.

Meanwhile this:


                              Lucky Rabbits.

Scene: just outside a football ground, somewhere in the world.

Seller     Lucky rabbit’s foot!  Get your lucky rabbit’s foot! Ah, sir,
          lucky rabbit’s foot?

Buyer     It’s not very lucky for the rabbit, is it?

Seller     Well, lucky me!  How environmental of you and cleverly
          spotted, if I may say so sir.  It is, however, perfectly OK
          to buy because between you and me this is a mock rabbit’s

Buyer     From a mock rabbit, no doubt.

Seller     Yes, sir, grown in a dish, in a laboratory in Taiwan.

Buyer     Not a real rabbit at all, then.

Seller     Only the feet are grown, sir.  On a plastic sprue. Ten at a time
          no animals were injured during the making of this suitcase of
          lucky rabbit’s feet in any way.

Buyer     So when you say ‘lucky rabbit’s foot’ it actually has nothing
          to do with a rabbit.

Seller     Bless your conscience sir, nothing, no.

Buyer     Well, in that case you shouldn’t be shouting ‘lucky rabbit’s
          foot’ should you?  I could do you under the trade descriptions

Seller     Lucky lookalike rabbit’s foot!  Get your lucky lookalike 
          rabbit’s foot here!

Buyer     It doesn’t look like a foot, either.  There’s no paw pad.

Seller     Lucky lookalike rabbit’s appendage!

Buyer     They’re dayglo pink.

Seller     Lucky lookalike rabbit’s appendage in an unrealistic
          colour!  Get your lucky appendage here!

Buyer     What’s lucky about them?

Seller     Lucky for me if you buy one sir.

Buyer     Why should I buy one?

Seller     My wife is a disadvantaged person.

Buyer     Well that’s all right then, that’s charity.  And it’s tax
          deductable.  How much?

Seller     40p

Buyer     Oh well, cheap, deductable, charity, why didn’t you
          say so?  Here’s 40p.

Seller     Here’s your appendage, sir.

Buyer     Can I have a receipt?

Seller     If you must, sir.  The customer is always right.  I’ll write it
          on the back of this bus ticket.  There you are.

Buyer     Nice to do business with you.

Seller     Likewise sir, likewise.  Lucky lookalike rabbit appendages! 
          Get them here!

Buyer     By the way, it seems indelicate to ask, but how is your wife

Seller     She’s married to me sir.  Lucky appendages!  Get your
          appendages here!

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€ so be should I lucky?  Lucky?  Lucky? (Tinternet Philosophy degree – module one.)

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