Just in case you’ve been looking, there are indeed new products in the shop. The web manager, who has some stomach virus and was sent home being spectacularly sick on the train, is fortuitously such a computer nerd, he can tell what his idiot mother has done wrong, even whilst ill.
What the idiot did, with her knuckles scraping the ground, is miss out an entire set of steps in the ‘turn my photo into a virtual shop’ product process. When I was moaning on about about doing 629 things wrong what was really wrong was that it should have been an extra 444 steps, that’s 1073 steps in total.
So we had one of those conversations:
‘This is the shop front photo, do you understand?’
nod, nod, nod
‘You don’t zoom that.’
‘No.’
‘This is the one for zooming.’
‘With the jpg number.’
‘No, the same one as the unzoomed.’
‘If the photo for zooming, is the same as the unzoomed but they both have to go in Leech, how does it know?’
‘You’ve lost me.’
‘How does the Leech know what I’m thinking?’
‘It can tell by the size.’
And there is the rub, dear reader, for, in truth, I wasn’t thinking anything. The size of what I was thinking to do with computers was infinitesimal. My mind was a complete blank. If you could have got in there you’d have found an office building full of people worrying about my health set in a desert wasteland of nothingness. Tumbleweed blowing past. An old sign Empty The Dishwasher blowing creakily in the wind. Otherwise nothing.
Anyway yesterday evening I managed to get about 7 things in the shop. Here’s a couple of them:
I will now attempt to repeat the feat.
On the whole it’s amazing that a technophobe such as I, had the child I did. It’s all because when he was five months old I went back to teaching exam crammer classes on a Saturday morning while his father baby sat. Coincidentally Saturday morning was the time in the 1980s when the BBC had a programme teaching you to programme. The other half had sold the WW2 sword surrendered to his Dad to buy a Micro Home Computer. It was a keyboard that plugged into the back of the telly and also into a cassette tape recorder. As he learned how to type in ‘Hello’ and fall around with amazement when the computer responded ‘Hello Tony’ the five month old web manager, sitting on his knee watched intently and pretty soon learned to reach over and press ‘Break’ and then roll away laughing because he couldn’t walk at that stage.
Sometimes the destiny that shapes our ends is being so skint that mother has to go back to work on Saturdays. Which idiot mother will now stop prevaricating and get busy.
Though it’s interesting to notice that what I wrote was that we turned our sword into a ploughshare, well, a computer, which turned out to be much the same.