Merry Christmas, I have something for you.
Have you?
Yes.
Good. What is it?
Probably a present.
Good. What is it?
A present. I think. It’s wrapped. Look.
Oh yes. That looks like a present. Good. What is it?
A present. It’s a wrapped present.
Any idea what it is? Inside the wrapping.
Can’t remember. A surprise.
Then how do you know it’s a present?
By the wrapping. Look. Wrapping.
Oh yes. You get that on presents.
There’ll be a present inside. Probably.
I expect so. Is it for me?
I can’t remember. It’s either for you or for me.
Should someone open it, do you think?
Almost certainly. The question is..who?
Either you or me. I’m not giving it to anyone else.
I agree. They’re not having it.
Thieving lot. Where did you find it?
Down by the side of this chair.
How?
I woke up and there it was.
That’s lucky.
Only if it’s nice. If it’s something horrible that’s not lucky at all.
I agree. In fact, I couldn’t agree more. Something horrible is not lucky.
I have terrible gout.
Don’t give it to me. I don’t want it.
I wasn’t going to give it to you. I don’t think I can. What I meant is, it’s horrible and not lucky.
Why do you want to give me a present that’s horrible and not lucky?
I don’t. It’s gout.
Oh I don’t want that. Not even gift wrapped.
Oh. Shall I open it myself?
Good idea. After all, you found it.
I did. It was down by the side of this chair.
You open it then.
I will. Could you hold my pipe while I open it?
Put it on the table. It’s not lit.
They don’t let me smoke in here.
That’s a saving then. What is it?
Not smoking. It’s a saving.
No, what’s in the parcel?
I’m hoping for a tie without soup on it, or proper hankies. Oh look at that!
What is it?
Ladies slippers.
What a pity! They’re no good for you. Your feet are too big to even get them on.
I’ve had an idea.
What?
You have them.
I couldn’t possibly.
Yes you could. I think they would fit you. Try them on.
I will. They do fit me. Exactly. Fancy that.
You’d better keep them .
Thank you. That’s very kind.
You’re welcome. They’re no use to me.
It’s odd you should say that.
Why?
I just found something that’s no use to me either.
What is it?
This tie. I found it down by the side of this chair. It was wrapped up.
That’s nice.
Oh. Do you like it?
I do. It’s very nice. It looks new.
I think it might be. I have no use for it. Do you want it?
Yes please. It might come in handy. Oh look, I’ve found a pipe.
Fancy that.
I’ve had an idea, give me that wrapping paper you found.
Here you are. Why do you want it?
I think I’ll wrap it up and give it to someone.
Well a gift of wrapping paper never goes amiss. And look!
What?
I found some slippers. Pass me that tie you’re holding, I’ll wrap them in that.
Have you a label?
Of course not. I can remember my entire name perfectly.
That’s handy.
Is it?
Well you’ll know if they call you for lunch.
Is it lunch now?
Not yet.
In that case I think I’ll have a nap first.
Good idea.
Yes. I’ll just wrap this tie I found in this paper and put it down by my chair. There, that’s tidy.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JaneLaverick.com – feeling my age