I really cannot believe that doctor, the one who came when my feet were red. You would think, common sense would tell you that any doctor, even an incompetent one like her, any doctor and they are all, in theory, qualified, it’s quite a long course, maybe she was absent on the day they taught common sense, any doctor, even a stupid one, would take the blood pressure of an 88 year old woman. As soon as she stepped in the door she should have taken it. Any one with any common sense would have done so.
When I was twelve I nearly died. Of course that’s a while ago and I didn’t. Well you can tell that, you have common sense. Some. Not when you sent that ready meal. The cat still hasn’t eaten the chewy beef out of it, that I made the carer cut up. He will. he will keep getting it till he does.
So the doctor came in and she didn’t stand any closer to me than you are. Well you’re sitting, it’s a dining table so you would be. This chair is still making me dizzy. I feel as if I am moving the entire time. I am holding on to the arms. This cover you made is a slight help but it is still a hard chair. It makes me dizzy. I feel as if I will fall. I will not fall. Probably. Do I appear to be moving to you? Not in the sense of walking around, obviously, but shaking. Are you sure? I know you say it is my brain but I cannot believe, I simply cannot believe, that they can put a man on the moon but not stop me feeling dizzy. It’s sheer incompetence.
Anyway the doctor, who thinks she is qualified, but I don’t, not by a long chalk, the doctor, the idiot doctor, I should say, that is only my opinion but I am the patient my opinion should count, apart from anything else I have lived a lot longer than she has, much. She didn’t take my blood pressure! Can you believe that! What school did she qualify from? I should like to know. Not the school of common sense that’s for sure. When they were handing out common sense she missed out. Right out. Common sense would tell you, at least it would tell me, and I’m not even a doctor, to take the bloody blood pressure of the patients. Good God what do they teach them? Not common sense that’s for sure. Our old family doctor we had when I was a child would not have done that. He knew I had a heart murmur. He always listened to my chest.
What do they teach them these days? Nothing that’s what. She stood exactly not quite as close as you are and just looked at me. She didn’t even pick my feet up! I cannot believe the sheer incompetence of a doctor, a doctor mark you, not the window cleaner, in not picking up my feet. She took one look at them said they weren’t burned and you couldn’t do anything about it and that was it. Off out the door and she gets paid for that. Good God I could do that. Anyone could do that. She is supposed to be trained with training. Not that you need it. Common sense tells you, at least it tells me, to go in and look at the patient, to get hold of the affected apart and above all other things to take the blood pressure. It’s basic.
I’ll tell you one thing, if she’s on house calls on a Thursday I’m not going to be ill on a Thursday again. Even if I’m dying, which is quite likely by the way, I shall hang on and die on a Friday. I know that wouldn’t suit you because of Tony playing golf on a Friday, it would also be inconvenient in the morning because of Justyna doing the cleaning, though if I were very dead of course, she would just have to clean round me.
Was it November? Well I’ve been very busy. I have all of this house to run. With a bit of luck they might have sacked her by now. It would be no more than she richly deserves. Did I tell you I am dizzy? I am all the time. It is a horrid thing. Nobody who does not have it can know how horrid it is. I know you say it is my brain but there is nothing wrong with my brain, at least not compared to some doctors. She was a B-I-T-C-H of the first water. If she comes again I will not let her in. Better still I won’t be ill on Thursday. Even if I am.
Have I told you about the dizziness? I think so. It’s quite the most awful thing. And I haven’t been drinking. I have only had one glass of wine since your father died and that was medicinal. I’ll tell you one thing, that doctor is not going to get a bottle from me at Christmas. She has completely stymied herself on that one. We always used to go to the surgery and make an appointment to give the bottle of wine before Christmas you know. I wouldn’t say it ensured preferential treatment, I would certainly never queue jump but it did help. Not that I want preferential treatment, I just want my damn blood pressure taking and she damn well didn’t. No wine for her. Not even if she came on Christmas Eve and smiled.
Of course my regular doctor didn’t get one this year. Not that he’s been near hand, Did I tell you he took his son to karate classes just over there, every week, and never popped in. He could have come and had a cup of tea or even something stronger, I don’t mind but he never showed his face. Good God it wouldn’t have hurt him. I am 88! 88! He is younger than you, it wouldn’t kill him on his time off to pop in. I nearly died in the fever hospital and I have a heart murmur, did he pop in and take my blood pressure? No he did not. It’s only over there. I would show you but I’ll fall off the chair.
And did I tell you about the lady doctor, well I’m saying lady doctor but she was neither a lady nor a very good doctor. She came to see me and she didn’t even take my blood pressure. Can you believe that? I would have found it hard to believe but I was there, not having my blood pressure taken. I am 88 and she is utter rubbish.
I don’t know why we are talking about this, it’s very depressing. I sometimes feel as if people are avoiding me, I cannot think why, I am a very entertaining speaker, though you don’t say much. Are you ill or idle?
Did I tell you about the doctor? I will in a minute when I’m not so dizzy. I must see the doctor soon, I have a very rusty throat. I cannot drink this tea, it has gone cold while you’ve been chatting on.
Remind me to tell you about the doctor.
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JaneLaverick.com – verbatim, more or less, 50 minutes of it, non stop, my ears went all droopy.