The thing to ask yourself is: have you been naughty or nice? Have you, perhaps been nicely naughty? Are you so nice you’ve been naughtily nice? Have you, for example:
Found yourself washing and ironing everybody else’s clothes late at night so they could go out to some stupid party looking sharp?
Got up early to wrap presents while others were still snoring?
Spent hours taking all the nasty leaves off the outside of brussels sprouts and hacked your thumb scoring a cross in the bottom so they would cook properly, even though you know they’re all going to wave them away with a look of horror, or worse, eat a lot and fart lustily all through the film?
Put all the naff and ancient decorations up because everyone likes it that way even though you would prefer something modern and minimalistic?
Run up a massive bill buying food for the overstuffed?
And then remembered to put some money in the charity tin rattled in your face, and smile?
Got so exhausted trying to make everything perfect that you’ve slipped on the ice in a rush and hurt yourself?
Spent time actually making something yourself instead of just throwing money around?
Made sure, even though you are utterly skint that the one you love has a lovely thing bought from a shop?
Put so much bread out for the birds in the cold that you haven’t got enough to make the stuffing?
Cooked something that you hate and hate cooking because they love it and think it’s part of the holiday?
Spent time writing a little message on your Christmas card for a lonely friend?
Tried so hard to ensure that no one is forgotten that the person who is forgotten is you?
Then you are Mother Christmas, whichever sex or persuasion you are, you are the spirit of the season with gold in your heart and joy flowing through your veins, even if no one else can see it. If anyone asks, you have been very nice indeed and I wish you ten seconds of something just for you, starting here at midnight, keep hitting refresh or reload to open it as often as you wish.
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