Thoughts for mothering Sunday.

In Sorrento I stopped at a little shop in the maze of lanes to admire the numerous cameo brooches in the window.  This is a major area for shell cameo carving and has been for a long time, I inherited my grandmother’s cameo brooch that she bought there on honeymoon almost a hundred years ago.

The selection was good so I went into the shop. All that separated the one room up, one down, bead curtain to the back door, shutter to the front, from the identical shops in Pompeii, just an hour away on the Circumvesuvio train, was time.  Skills in the little jeweller’s shops are thousands of years in practice; all the coral has gone from the bay, Roman tourists were just as pleased to collect the carved pieces as more modern visitors.

The jeweller was a young man, probably in his early thirties, busily bending silver mounts to solder later. As I admired his efforts we fell easily into conversation. I had done a little silversmithing thirty years ago and complimented his sure touch, a great asset with a metal that becomes work hardened and intractable very readily.  With ease and accuracy, holding the U shaped metal channel briefly against each idiosyncratically outlined shell, the form of which is entirely dependant on the vagaries of nature, he encased the shell with his fingers and a small pair of pliers all the way round in practically one smooth movement and cut the end perfectly, aligned for soldering, all the while talking to me in English.

The conversation got on to mothers.  Italians are world famous for having Mothers.  When you stroll the streets of any Italian town and look at the array of stunningly lovely young ladies out promenading, or regard the beauty depicted by Italian painters over the centuries, it is difficult to know whether this is  exceptionally good luck or some cunning form of natural selection.  Whatever the cause there is no doubt that the country is heaving with potential mothers.  They’re an abundant resource, as gratifying to the youth who seek to create them as they are a trial to the children who qualify them for such elevated, dignified and irreproachable status.

The jeweller indicated a tray of cameos and said he would mark the price down if I was interested, as they were stock he did not wish to take with him if he managed to move shop.  If only he could get over the problem with his mother, he was planning to leave, he said.  He was making a bid for freedom.  At his age he had had enough of his mother telling him what to do.  He was going to sell the stock slowly  so when it was all gone his mother would not be able to argue the difficulty of leaving her to deal with all his stuff.  It was his business, she said.  Why should she be landed with the goods of an entire business to look after while he took himself off to start again? She simply wouldn’t do it, she said, she had enough to do already.  He had a business here and must stay and make the best of it.

The jeweller sighed and put down the cameo in case the weight of his passion broke it.  What had he done to deserve such a mother?  I made the right international sympathetic noises, so he warmed to his argument.  Only the previous day she had thrown a fit of hysterics while making his dinner.  He had injudiciously told her where he was planning to go.  Had described in detail a shop he had seen elsewhere that would be the perfect next step up for him.  Just what he wanted. Bigger, he told me, and, more importantly, away from his mother.

His mother had been very unreasonable, he said.  She had called on the Virgin to assist her with her difficult son.  She had called him names. She had accused him of ingratitude.  She had predicted his likely starvation, far away with no mother to cook for him.  Who would ensure he was wearing clean matched socks?  And how would he get any customers at all without clean matched socks?  Eventually  after lengthy sobbing, involving throwing her apron over her head and rocking back and forth, she had even prayed over him.  Pushed to his limits he had left the kitchen and sought strong drink.  Who could blame him?  Not I, especially if it involved a reduction on the top notch big cameo brooch carved with a very pretty girl, in a modern style, which I had my eye on.

Simpatico and admiring of the work as I could be, brought forth a further clinching reduction, so I bought the cameo as a present to give to my mother when I got back to England. He wrapped it, saying he would do it beautifully, as a present for a mother is very important, yes?  Of course I agreed, it is and he did it very well.  As he handed it over, I wished him well in his quest to escape and enquired the location of the shop he had seen that was the objective of his journey to self determination.

Oh, he said, it’s in Meta. 

Meta? I asked.

Yes, he replied, you know Meta, it’s the next stop on the Circumvesuvio railway from here.  It’s nearly four kilometres away.

P1010026 My grandmother’s cameo.

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Bio porcelain diversity.

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Here is a picture, an interesting picture.  Can you see what it is, yet?

One of the extreme joys of porcelain is opening the kiln on a new doll.  You just don’t know what you’re going to find.  After 17 years you might have a fairly good idea but as soon as you mess around with the basics, such as the slip, the way you make the moulds or the glazes, you’re into unexplored territory.  The interesting thing about a kiln is its uncontrollability.  You can, of course, alter the heating ramp, meaning the rate at which the temperature climbs and the way you load the kiln, how much you put in it and where; however once that lid is shut it’s on the anvil of the kiln god, who would probably be Vulcan, come to think of it.

So as you may have guessed by now, what you’re seeing is what I saw this morning when I opened my kiln on an experiment.  Kilns teach you patience.  No matter how keen you are to see how it turned out, once the kiln has shut off you have to leave it until it is cold before you open it.  This is because of a little trick Vulcan has up his toga called thermal shock.  I remember reading long ago, in what was regarded at the time as an authoritative textbook on dolls, a description of conditions in a Victorian doll factory of kilns being unpacked by child workers when the dolls were still red hot, the doll parts being thrown from hand to hand to the workbench.  This invocation of Dante’s Hell for Child Workers in a Victorian Factory was colourful but inaccurate on two counts. Absolutely nobody who had expended all the effort necessary to make a nice new piece of porcelain would chuck it around and hot porcelain straight from a kiln at 1200 degrees is firstly, unhandleable, unless you have cast iron hands and secondly subject to thermal shock; the minute the hot ceramic hit the cold air it would crack.  Dolls are particularly vulnerable in the thin areas such as the eye sockets, engineered joints and fingers.  Once cold, most forms of pottery are very strong; archaeologists regularly unearth ceramic items three thousand years of age and older all over the world, in remarkably good condition.  Very few man-made artefacts survive as well. However, to bake in the strength you do have to let the pots cool down properly, where ever you fire them. So whether you’re a Neolithic potter leaving your coil pot in the embers overnight, a Roman army lamp maker not unpacking the clamp until your test probe comes out cold, or Jane opening the kiln on a new colour of doll you just jolly well have to wait. If you can accept the gift of patience that Vulcan offers with good grace then you may well have a new cooking pot, a lucrative order from the quartermaster, or a lovely new doll in a great colour that you made by mixing with your fingers crossed.  You could alternatively have a cooking pot with a  hole baked into the side, XVC lamps with wonky handles and a streaky doll that more closely resembles a bit of crispy bacon than any known human being. And you just won’t know until the morning, and even then you have to take the bungs out and hold your hand over the hole and then, if it still feels warm go away for an hour or two and do more waiting.

For anyone paying close attention, there are black specks very clearly visible in the kiln sand.  This is not because I failed to polish the concrete floor adequately, it’s to do with the age of the kiln, which is no longer manufactured. I would go and buy into something with age-affected parts, 17 years before they stop making it and I did.  I have, however, bought a second hand kiln from Terry Curran which has been used less than mine and it will be in service just as soon as I can afford a visit from an expensive itinerant kiln engineer to give it the once over. As you can see I’m avoiding the speck problem slightly by leaving an empty bit in the middle of the bat.  Bat is the Potteries name for a kiln shelf. The Potteries being the area of Britain around Stoke on Trent which has been associated with ceramic manufacture for three hundred years or so.  The Potteries bats, alarmingly, are not flying around as they used to do.

Sadly, as some aspects of mass ceramic manufacture return to the area of the world where they started, the support services for this long term British industry are winding down in many ways, which is causing problems.  One of these is slip supply.  For forty years or more, coloured porcelain slip for doll making has been imported to Britain from the USA where a couple of family firms produced it.  Family firms do not last forever; as the supplies have dwindled for the last few years I have put energy into urging the production of  a British pouring slip.  I contacted every porcelain doll maker I could find in the country, a couple of years ago, to ask what they wanted.   If you’re one and waiting for me, could you please exercise your kiln patience? After Miniatura I’ll take up this cause again, the problem has now spread to all of Continental Europe and needs fixing before everyone gives up and the skills are lost.

Interviewing the Miniatura artisans for the last fifteen years has made me aware of how fragile traditional skills can be.  Ceramics, metalwork, glass blowing, textiles, wood carving and all the traditional skills so resplendent at Miniatura and so sparse and expensive anywhere else in full size, are hard won and totally dependant on the will of the individual to persevere until  the difficulties of training the brain, the hand and the eye to work together are overcome.  There is constant competition from easier, cheaper, less permanent and unskilled ways of making things. Impatience to make a quick buck and have more leisure time to do nothing is going to impoverish our legacy to the future. The challenge to the undervalued craftsman, once his skills are certain, are to source the supplies and store them, adapt the home or work space, get good at it, then sell the results and then when you’ve got all that sorted either some supplies stop being produced, the bottom drops out of the market or your physical abilities dwindle just as your skills hit their peak.

I seem to have all the difficulties at present.  I haven’t sold anything from the shop yet because we’ve hit a world recession and I can’t afford to advertise much, my hoarded slip is drying out, the kiln manufacturers have stopped just as my kiln is packing up, I can’t sit for longer than an hour or so because my hips seize up etcetera and so forth in a great long list.  However, I haven’t spent 17 years acquiring a skill just to chuck it all away because of a little local difficulty.  So the dolls in the kiln were made by sieving and rehydrating the dried up remains of one ancient bottle and combining it with another completely different one in proportions I had to make an experienced guess at because I had too little slip to waste in a variety of mixed, fired blobs till I got the colour  wanted.  I’m going to have to repeat the feat if the dolls sell and do it exactly.  The procedure of porcelain and the high wastage rate mean that you never end up with all the body parts you started out with, you invariably have a number and a half of dolls or a number and six spare feet but no hands. Sometimes I can borrow hands from another doll in my vast odd parts store; if by chance they fit, they do have to be exactly the same colour and a similar standard of sculpting, as I’m hopefully evolving into greater truth and simplicity all the time.  Biodiversity is a wonderful thing but not in the same doll.  I’m keen to make more dolls of different created colours and would have done it sooner except for the fact that many historically biased miniaturists have African child slave dolls in their houses. 

The unspeakable fashion of ‘importing’ ‘cute’ African children to keep almost as family pets and later, servants, was part of the vast surge in human traffic that provided the cheap work force in the New World in the eighteenth century. The workers were originally British natives, often straight out of the jails and on to the ships until it became clear that plantations with African workers were doing rather better; the native British tended to die too quickly to be useful. The lucrative and fashionable spin-off of stolen African children never getting as far as America did happen in the houses of the rich all over the country for more than a century; anyone miniaturising a house of that type and era should probably have such a child in it. Miniaturists do strive to tell the story of the house; if it’s a historical house it will be as accurate as possible.  There’s no way I could contemplate my dolls living a life of slavery or even servitude. Of course slavery has happened in practically every country in the world and to every human group and unbelievably is still happening in some places.  However in the history of Dolls’ houses in  twentieth century Britain, a black child doll would be most likely to end up as a servant, so I just wouldn’t make one. I’ve never done servants at all, the only ‘domestic’ I ever produced was the white 24th scale cook, and she’s a free spirit, outwardly all plain uniform but below, lace underwear and the ability to poison the household if they don’t treat her nicely.

I am pleased to say, at last many more forward looking miniaturists here are making and filling modern houses or just having lovely collections, which gives me the chance to follow my inspiration and make a wider range of dolls. As they are porcelain they will outlast their original owners and be free to reach their maximum potential as valuable antiques having lived interesting and full doll lives. Hence the coloured slip kiln experiment.  I’m pleased and surprised by the results, the original slip was a dark hard-looking purple colour which would have been bearable on a big doll but not much good in miniature. When it all comes together into a doll after the next umptynineteen processes, I’ll show you the end result so you can see what you think.  Meanwhile, thanks to Vulcan, I’m in for a bit of grit scrubbing.  Joyfully the weather is warmer so standing in the unheated kitchen for a couple of hours wearing my fingernails off with cold wet sanding sponges is not such a chore and at the end, eventually, new dolls!

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Can you see what it’s going to look like yet?  Me neither, though I’ve got a good idea.  Find some kiln patience and I’ll show you when it’s good and ready and looking really cool.

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Midweek Miniatura, miniature marvels.

Last week when I dropped a hefty hint about the handiness of the show brochure, you may have thought that one of the categories, retailer, sounded a bit boring.  To be fair, you would only have thought that if you are not a miniaturist.  As enthusiasts are well aware, the smaller it gets the more interesting it becomes and the harder the hunt for the good stuff to make or collect.  As miniatures are enjoyed in many countries round the world, so hobbyists are indebted to retailers who do all the legwork necessary to get everything in one place so that all we have to do is choose.

A good case in point would be Judith Dowden who trades as In Some Small Way and imports smaller scale houses and kits. Smaller scale, here meaning less than twelfth scale and all the way down to dolls houses to go in dolls houses, which could be a 144th scale to go in a 12th scale house.  If that sounds confusing, perhaps a picture will clarify matters.

Judith

To the uninitiated this looks like a nice dolls’ house cabinet and at 8 inches tall, 5 inches wide and 1 1/2 inches deep, you’d think it was a perfect 12th scale replica of a full size item, which it is.  However, as miniaturists are well aware, two or three hundred years ago Dutch society ladies were prone to turning exactly such pieces of furniture into dolls’ houses.  They did it so well that some have survived and can be visited in museums or historic houses.  Unless, that is, you’re a miniaturist, in which case, you can have one of your own!

Judith. interior 

Judith close up

The six rooms of the house part of this cabinet fit in a space roughly equal to the size of your hand. No piece of furniture is taller than 3/4 inch (that’s 2cm).  You don’t have to have a dolls’ house to put this in, some miniaturists don’t have houses, just a collection of little things.  This little thing would be a talking point on your real mantelpiece but would you stick your choice of furniture down so you could hand it to people when they asked, or would you have it loose so you could rearrange it?  Would you keep a spare set of completely different furniture in the drawers?  More micro-miniatures at www.insomesmallway.co.uk

The marvel to the new miniaturist is the discovery that everything that exists in full size life also exists in miniature, including antique items that you’d be lucky to find at all in real life. Miniature collectables are made anew to replicate broken, lost or rare bygones, by craftsmen with full size lifetime skills.  Glass is a good example of this type of miniature and Phil Grenyer of Glasscraft is such a craftsman.  Glass is a very difficult substance to work with, fully justifying the five year apprenticeship required to acquire the skills.  Many skilled miniaturists wear their abilities very lightly; when I interviewed Phil some years ago I recall him tossing the phrase ‘Oh you don’t want to be walking on too much broken glass, you know,’  into the conversation.  Here are some examples of the beautiful things he makes, so unassumingly.  If you do visit the Glasscraft stand, you shouldn’t let the pocket money prices fool you. As with all  miniatures, first you have to find a group of craftsmen able to produce the work and then some willing to have a go in miniature and then one or two of those who will keep trying until they get really good at it. Like this:

Phil

If you wanted to collect full size Victorian Cranberry glass you would need deep pockets and a good deal of patience, the hunt would be painstaking and the trophies, if undamaged, pricey to say the least.  If you decide to make your collection in miniature, you’ll be spoilt for choice, the picture shows just a tiny sample of Phil’s range.  This is the hobby for the average collector with champagne tastes and beer money with the added incentive that you don’t need much space for an extensive collection and that practically everything that’s lovely in full size is even lovelier in miniature.

Painstaking is an apt adjective for Miniatura craftspeople.  Some go to extraordinary lengths for their art.  Annie Willis, who you will find at the show under the name of Fine Design, is as painstaking as they come.  Annie makes really furry, feathery creatures  by sticking the fur and feathers on one hair at a time, in what by now must be numbered in many thousands of individually glued hairs. Oh yes she does. The result is strokeable cats, pattable dogs and cuddly hamsters.  I first met one of Annie’s rabbits in a dolls’ house shop, years before I met Annie.  I must have had the bunny about twenty years at least and it hasn’t moulted yet and is still as furrily appealing as ever.  Here is the latest tableau, which is a genuine work of art, one feather at a time, this is so new from the artist it hasn’t been named yet.

Annie

Impressive as a set piece, like all of Annie’s work this is better in the hand because of the strokeability, it’s hard to keep your mitts off the feathery breast of the hen or the little fluffy chicks. I like the way Annie has made them so you can see what the birds are thinking.

If your collector fingers have started itching, further details are at www.miniatura.co.uk as always, where you will see the show described as Miniatura International for good reasons.  The three artisans featured here, although resident in the UK, hail from America, the North East of England and Australia respectively and are representative of the craftsmanship on show from many nations.  In miniatures we rejoice in our varied abilities and our coming together to celebrate the pleasure that can be taken in a world you can hold in your hand.

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L’Oscar acceptance speech de moi.

1st draft.

Little did I dream when I accidentally backed into shot whilst sweeping up the leaves five times (wait for the laugh) that I would be written into the script, what with the running out of light and film. Man Sweeping Leaves has been, I think I may say, an important role for me and for the film industry.  The inclusion of ‘reality’ figures brings l’art du acktor to a new and wonderful high and I can hardly believe that Angelina trod these boards right before I did to get another of these lovely doorstops (brandish shampoo bottle, wait for the laugh).  When Fred took me to one side and said, as only he could do, the words that will remain with me for ever: ‘What’s your name?  We’re going to have to write you in, unfortunately’.  My heart leapt and I immediately wanted to thank God, my mother and the Academy members who voted for me.

Who would have thought, who would ever have thought that the end of shoot party, to which I was not invited, would by chance have been held in a cliff top hotel on the very night it became a cliff bottom hotel?  I accept these three awards on behalf of the other acktors, many of whom you may have heard of, quite a bit. They will never be forgotten, who ever they were, and I am conscious of their part in my meteoric rise to fame, as the papers and television had no one left to interview and every word I said about Man Sweeping Leaves was said, at length, with honesty and that very good wiggly eyebrow I can do sometimes.

The storm of media attention has lead to enquiries about roles in other films, that I cannot mention here.  If you were to keep an ear open for Man Getting Off Bus and also Person In Queue, you would not be disappointed, I promise.  My new CD will be out just as soon as I’ve formed a band.

In conclusion I would like to say

Roland are you in there?

Yes Mum, nearly finished.  I would like to say

There’s other people need to use the bathroom you know. Are you squeezing spots again?  You know it makes your chin sore.

That I will be famous for ever.  There you are, I’m done. Honestly, there’s nowhere in this house you can get a minute to your self.

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2nd draft.

Thank you thank you thank you.  I am so happy now that I am more famous than Gwynneth, Glen and a whole load of other people beginning with G. I may not have very long, long legs,  in fact I may have short, quite full legs, especially in the thigh, but I hope to prove that anyone can act and that winning an Oscar does not depend on having a flat stomach or a very expensive dress looking like hotel curtains with glitter to stick your long thin leg out of.

I would also like to point out that girls who cannot grow their hair long, who have it breaking off at ear length although it was properly conditioned, can still get their pictures in the paper.  And you don’t have to have one of those hundreds of dollars handbags either.  As I lean forward into the microphone I notice a moustache at the corners. Oh no, I can’t go out like that,I’m going to miss the train!

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3rd draft.

I would like to accept this award on behalf of my family, who are out having lives.  I would like to thank them for all the mess they make for me to clear up.  Speaking as Best Mother In A Supporting role, I would like to thank microfibre, for help with the polishing, bleach for the black bits and that pink stuff that gets out the stubborn stains. In accepting this solid gold statue that I could sell and have a new laptop, oven, and all the bedding plants I want for round the porch, I would like to remind you that I also have a birthday coming up and would like something better than the promise of a day out that I never got, that I had last year. In conclusion I would like to say that that’s the mirror done, I’m finished in here and I’m going to have a cup of tea and half an hour of shopping telly before I get started on the dinner.

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JaneLaverick.com bringing you the Oscars from bathrooms everywhere.

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Knackerbockers.

There will be no Knickerbocker Glory this Friday, not even a lick of the spoon.  It’s ten at night on Thursday and I’ve just stopped rubbing down porcelain, which I’ve been doing all day.  I’m beyond knackered and need to get to bed so can get up, do some glazing and prep and load the kiln before I turn it on.  I want to do that just after the other half has gone to golf so it will go off before he gets back.  Now the reason for this is that the kiln lives in the garage, along with several dolls houses, the barbecue, the tools, the porcelain slip, the big moulds, the lawnmower, the ladder, wood mouldings, plaster of Paris, spare concrete, four indispensible yellow trugs, a dead garden recliner, a half-made games machine, the gardening tools, seed trays and compost, buckets full of non matching screws and nails, Arthur Mee’s Children’s Encyclopaedia and, most crucially, the golf clubs.  The car?  In the garage?  Don’t be daft!

So the thing is, if the up and over garage door whooshes up for golfing purposes while the kiln is on, you get a blast of icy air and possibly dust up the peepholes.  And I’m not having that.  In the rest of the house I am a slut’s slut.  If there is dust, I take my contact lenses out, which makes it go right away.  A miniaturist once told me that dirty windows were an excellent crime prevention measure because they stopped burglars seeing inside and I thought it was such a good idea I have stuck to it ever since (and the windows, obviously).  But dust near the kiln that might embed itself in the dolls as black specks?  Perish the thought!  The floor under the kiln is so clean you could eat your dinner off that bit of concrete, not that I’d let you. You can march straight into the hall, on what I laughingly call the carpet, in your wellies if you like, all I’ll say is ‘hello’ but breathe dustily near the kiln and I will go berserk.

So time is tight and something has to go.  As it takes about three hours to type and proof read  a pre-written piece and at least a day for an original, I’m not even going to do the thing where I think of words for writing half way through my shower and dash downstairs to the computer in my underwear (which is a strange place to keep a computer but is obviously normal, other wise it would be called a jeanstop and not a laptop.)

P1010012

It’s nice to be normal, I hope you agree, if you’ll excuse me I have a garage floor to vacuum and polish before bed.

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Midweek Miniatura, tickets and travel.

If you have been introduced to the joys of collecting in miniature and the premier show at which to do that, through this column, you might be wondering how to get there and get in.

Miniatura is held at the NEC which is the National Exhibition Centre just outside of Birmingham UK. The Centre is directly connected to air, rail and road  terminals on its own site, with hotels onsite too.  Huge car parks all have circulating free shuttle buses to take visitors to the halls.  Halls are self contained with rest rooms and refreshments so there’s everything you need to enjoy a lovely day out indoors, perfect for British weather, you may think. If you visit the NEC website at www.necgroup.co.uk you can find out which other shows are on during the Miniatura weekend, which is the 27th and 28th of March.  It’s worth knowing that Miniatura tickets include free car parking worth £8, for which you’ll be given a voucher as you leave the hall.

Stop Press BREAKING NEWS!  There are still just a few weekend and Collector’s Day tickets left, though there probably won’t be for very long after I’ve posted this.  On Saturday Miniatura visitor  numbers are restricted and by pre-purchased ticket entry only.  If you love a show but hate a crowd, this is the one for you, tickets are £11 please ring the ticket hotline 0121 767 4100 or Miniatura 0121 783 9922.  The weekend ticket is a bargain at £14-50.  When I was a visitor myself it was always my (unfulfilled) ambition to visit on both days.  The show is regularly 250 exhibitors, all working in miniature, which takes just as much looking as 250 full sized shops would.  However if one day on the spur of the moment is your preference, the Sunday is £5-50 paid in advance (ring the ticket line) or £7 for adults, £6 for seniors if you choose to pay at the door.

It should be said that if you visit the show with limited time you can still get your money’s worth of looking.  Bob Hopwood spends many weeks lost in the floor plan, ensuring that if you only managed a quarter of the hall you would still see a representative sampling of what is on offer.

Whether flitting through or staying until they prise your hands off the door at closing time, the Miniatura brochure is a good investment.  Exhibitors are listed alphabetically with a brief description of what they’re selling and their contact details.  If you mark the brochure floor plan as you go round, you can ring exhibitors after the show (ideally during the week, straight after the show they’ll be driving or flying  home or lying flat and doing breathing) to see if they have any left, any on their website, or one for you, now you have the money you ran out of at the show.  It’s worth taking real money (there are cash points by the halls,) because many of the craftspeople are small traders. I could never afford to accept payment by plastic cards as my bank charged me £1000 a year for each one, for one card I’d be working for the bank and for five, for free. A cheque book from a British bank would be an acceptable back-up for most stand holders.  Some do take plastic but they are mainly retailers.

Some disciplined shoppers see the craftspeople first and the retailers later. Some work their way methodically round the hall by floor plan.  Some, amazingly, have a shopping list.  The glory of the hobby is undoubtedly the ‘one craftsman one artefact’ aspect of the hobby and you should be aware that other shoppers know this.  If you fall in love with something, do ask if there’s another.  Don’t expect the stand holder to put it by until you come back, many shoppers with every intention of returning get lost in the hall.  If you see it and you love it and it’s the only one there is, you’d be crackers to let it go.  The majority of art items for sale in the hall are made by human hands, many by people who spent entire careers first making the same things in full size; this is not a hobby with thousands of mass produced kits, or largely consisting of plastic factory made ‘collectables’ which is why it is so popular with collectors.  However, the show organisers do strive for something in every price bracket from junior pocket money to museum acquisitions director, which is why the show is so popular with everyone.

The brochure precedes each description with a letter C, R, or S. These stand for Craftsman, someone who wholly or partially makes what they are selling, therefore the most likely to have the ‘one off’ items, a Retailer, who is selling as a shop does or a Supplier/Support service, who is not selling miniature art but the stuff needed to produce it, for example the tool stalls which always have a terrific selection of specialist items that are hard to find otherwise.  There’s nothing quite like getting your mitts on the actual saw you fancy or hefting tweezers to see if they’re fine enough for what you have in mind.  Oh I do love the tool stands. And the wood stands.  And the haberdashery.  And the fabrics.

Also in the brochure this time there is a list of new exhibitors.  If you can find the time to see them and give encouragement that would be a good deed indeed.  I remember my first show and recall standing like a lemon while visitors dashed past in search of their old favourites.  Taking time to have a look at who is new and hot does you a favour too, if you like what you see.  There have been instances of rapid rises to fame having to be dealt with by a rise in prices at subsequent shows.

Also in the brochure will be a list of exclusive exhibitors.  These are always worth a look, because Miniatura is the only place you can do so.  I’m one of them, you can only get my stuff here on my site or at the Min.  That’s it until someone invents the 50 hour day.  There are a few others like me, all listed in the brochure;  a document, which, being updated twice a year for the show, is also your most recent listing of the premier artisans in the world to date and their contact details.  Many of the exhibitors accept commissions or will ‘make a similar one for you’ if you weren’t fast enough to bag the one you fancied.  Some shoppers order items at one show to collect at the next.

If you have any questions about the show or getting there please do contact me or the organisers and have a look on the website www.miniatura.co.uk.

After all that information I hardly have time to tell you what the artisans are up to (mainly because I’ve just spent a straight 9 hours standing in my kitchen pouring porcelain.)  But I can show you a sweet little selection from new exhibitor Sindy Stanley, who is clearly feeling that Spring is in the air.

Sindy doll 3 Sindy doll 2

  Sindy doll 4 Sindy doll 5

From Germany Bettina Kaminski reports that she has finished her dogs.  Now, apparently, her real dog, Herzi, is looking after the miniatures, while Bettina begins on the cats.

Bettina dog

Do stop by to read more about Miniatura next week, I’m off to have the experience most experienced  exhibitors want most of all – concentrated sleep!

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Knickerbocker Glory with silver paper biscuits.

Sad to say, if you’ve been enjoying her efforts to run a phone service, this is the last outing for Uncle Reg’s niece.  I only wrote six half hour radio plays and once they were rejected, as I had nowhere else to send them, I stopped.  I had spent many hours reading them aloud, recording and timing everything with a stop watch.  Words were pruned to forge a fit.  However, there are still two of Archaeology Now to go and then six of the piece de resistance, each about a quarter of an hour’s worth of play and a heck of a lot of typing.  I think I may have originally done them all on a borrowed word processor, not by any means my most antediluvian hot metal word machine.  I still have the office-sale typewriter I was bought at the age of eight on the basis that being female I was likely to work in a typing pool.  As the machine in question has no semi colon, I was probably headed for more of a typing puddle.  Could be worse.  Could be on a pig farm.

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                                Story of the day.

Dialling tone.  Quick burst of nursery music.

Uncle Reg’s Niece      Hello, youngster, this is the Uncle Reg story time phone service.  Reg Smith is the two oh one oh doodah thingy calling. Before I can tell you the story you must ask permission from the person who pays the phone bill because it’s polite and because you’ll cop it if you don’t.

Another quick burst of nursery music.

Uncle Reg’s Niece     The story for today is the three little pigs.  Once upon a time there was three little pigs.  Three is not many for a litter, perhaps the sow had a poor diet.  Anyway.  There was three little pigs.  All on their own.  Abandoned.  So they decided to build a house.  That’s silly really because pigs live in sties if they’re on an old fashioned farm or in the field with corrugated huts if it’s modern.  Some of ours are modern, though the little ones are in the barn.  The bacon pigs are all in the fields though.  Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, should I?  Forget I said it.  And I won’t mention lard at all.  Even though we have got a barn full of it.  Not the barn the pigs are in, of course.  You couldn’t keep fat off dead pigs and live pigs in the same barn.  Well you could, but it wouldn’t be advisable.  Or very clean.

Anyway, youngster, the three little pigs were building houses, not that they could because they’ve got the wrong sort of hands.  Well they haven’t got any hands at all really, they’re all feet.  They couldn’t pick up a trowel or anything.  Though they must have done in the story.  Well it is only a story, I suppose.  All about pigs written by someone who knew nothing about pigs, not one thing.  Daft really.  I expect it was written before modern farming advances and that.

Anyway, the first pig builds his house out of straw.  The second pig builds his house out of wood.  I’d like to see a pig with a saw, very fanciful.  And the third pig uses bricks.  Even more fanciful.  And this wolf comes along and he says ‘I’ll huff and puff and blow your house down’.  That’s rubbish too because wolves can’t talk but that’s what happens in the story and the wolf blows the straw house down.  So the pig that was in the straw house goes to live with the pig that built the wooden house.

That must have been annoying.  Just when he’s got his wooden house all nicely built with curtains up and a nice sofa and the telephone in and that; his relatives come to stay.  I don’t mind them coming but why is it that when they get first choice of the biscuits they always pick the nice one with the silver paper on?  You never get visitors going ‘Ooh, a custard cream,’ and picking that, do you?  Oh well, never mind.  I do a bit though because we only ever have ones with silver paper on when we’ve got visitors.

So, youngster, the wolf says to the two little pigs in the wooden house, ‘ I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down,’ and he does.  Actually you couldn’t have pigs in wooden houses anyway, they would knock them down themselves.  They’re ever so strong you know.  And fast when they get up to a run.  I had to go in Beatrice’s pen to get a piglet out that she was sitting on and she got mad and ran at me.  I had to jump the barrier ever so fast.  And that’s metal that is.  Not straw or wood.  Pigs would smash straw or wood all by themselves.  They can be quite destructive, pigs.

So the three little pigs are all in the brick house.  I wonder who got the silver paper biscuits when there were three of them?  The first two pigs, I expect.  The third pig would have to wait and be polite because it was his house.  He would have to hand them round and the other pigs would go ‘Ooh, silver paper biscuits, I’ll have one of them,’ and there wouldn’t be any left for him.  Sad, really.  You do feel quite sad when you never get the silver paper ones.  I would really appreciate them, more than other people who just scoff them quickly.  I would eat them very, very slowly.  All round the edges and taste them a lot.  I sometimes think silver paper biscuits are wasted on other people.

Anyway, there the three little pigs are in the brick house, youngster.  And the bad wolf comes along and says, unrealistically, again, ‘I’ll huff and puff and blow your house down.’  So he huffs and puffs but he can’t blow the house down because it’s made of bricks.  That’s a lie, too.  When the elm tree got blown down in a gale it utterly demolished the dairy.  There was just this tiny corner of it left.  We weren’t using it as a dairy, though, we were using it as a feed store.  We’re still waiting for the insurance to come through.  That’s why we’ve got all these pig vitamins in the kitchen.  There’s sacks and sacks of them all piled up.  I’m surprised the pigs eat them really.  They don’t taste very nice, not even the pink ones.

Anyway the pigs in the story didn’t have vitamins so they ate the wolf instead.  And that is the story of the three little pigs, youngster.  There will be another story tomorrow and if I can find the book, which is here somewhere, it’ll be Cinderella.  But don’t ring before lunch because I’ve got to sweep the yard tomorrow morning.  We had a mass pig escape because someone forgot to shut a door; you wouldn’t believe the mess in the yard by the time we got them all back in.  They’re evil sometimes, pigs are.  I don’t blame the wolf at all, they get on my wick too.

Anyway, thank you caller, Uncle Reg is the twenty doodah calling.

Click brrrr.

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JaneLaverick.com – starting a pig of a week with a biscuit and hoping this week you get your share of the silver paper ones.

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Breeches.

For some time I have been quietly putting un-dressable dolls on the show table.  I started this way 17 years ago but at the time could only make glued wigs, which had hairstyles that were totally trashed by pulling clothes up over the head. Very realistic, you might think, but not what collectors were after.  Having more or less got the hang of my own invention of miniature brushable wigs, I have now been able again to make small versions of real removable clothing, slightly simplified for the scale, nevertheless clothing that would have been recognisable to people of the era.  I don’t think you could dress and undress the dolls very often; you do need tweezers to get the buttons through the button holes and the fine fabrics are of limited strength.  The dolls dressed with removable clothes are mainly 12th scale adults at present. However, it does mean I can now return to one of my passions: costume history.

I first became interested as a teenage am. dram. queen.  I trod enough boards to understand how much the clothing we wear influences the way we think.  It’s really quite extraordinary.  The breathable, washable, stretchy, comfortable clothing of today combined with central heating and fast food give us a relaxed attitude to life that would been inconceivable to our hungry, cold, tight-laced ancestors.  Clothing of the past was a major investment for the wearer and expected to last a long time.  Before the recent invention of trouser fabric with added stretch, breeches were the accommodating outer nether garment for gentlemen and not so gentle men for three hundred years in Britain.  Early versions, long and very short began to be worn in the sixteenth century and variants continued into the first two decades of the nineteenth century.

Here’s a chap to show you what would be boring to tell you, he could be from the latter part of the eighteenth century right up to the change to long trousers if he lived in an unfashionable rural area.

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As you can see from the large picture where he is putting his breeches on, these were highly adjustable garments.  There are two rows of buttons to fasten the front.  For attending to the calls of nature one button will do, for more room for a chap who has supped very well, a discreet button released on either side will still leave him dressed but able to breathe.  Similarly for his wife, accommodating his changing figure as he ages, the buttons can be moved in slanting lines to cover a corporation being carried low or high and for leaner times, when the buttons are moved closer, the spare fabric is simply overlapped on the inside.  The adjustability doesn’t end there.  As you can see it wasn’t only Bobby Shafto who had silver buckles at his knee; breeches had metal buckles which could be loosened to lengthen the leg and tuck it flat into riding boots, or tightened to pull the garment up at the knees for warm weather and wading across streams.  Such latitude in the length was no doubt a great relief to the mothers of growing boys. Breeches of quality gentlemen in portraits are frequently shown to fit the leg closely; however, a visit to a costume museum with enough samples might persuade you that ‘close fitting and fine cloth’ are less usual descriptions than ‘voluminous and hard wearing.’  A remarkable garment, replaced by many others but unequalled in usefulness.

I’ve given my chap hose joined at the top.  Although Queen Elizabeth the First was the first person in history to wear machine knitted stockings, garments that we would recognise as tights, albeit very loose fitting, were worn from early mediaeval times.  There is a tendency for under garments to become outer wear and sometimes for the reverse to occur.  This happened long before Madonna went on stage in her bra.  In the margins of Piers Plowman and other mediaeval manuscripts, illustrations show the peasants working in the fields in long hose, tied at the waist, and loose shirts.  Such depictions are common around the twelfth century, which might place Robin Hood and his men in tights in this era.  In a couple of hundred years the tights have vanished under long robes but sometimes what is being worn under there is a knee length version, the precursor of breeches.

What would Mr Darcy have thought of Lycra?  Whilst it is more practical for swimming in than your shirt and breeches, somehow the proof of the historical pudding is that everyday clothes in unusual circumstances are always worth a second and third look.

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Here we are at the end of London fashion week.  Were there any breeches on the runways?  There were certainly close fitting high collared coats and underneath the models were wearing the modern descendants of early mediaeval tights, a garment arguably a thousand years old.  The more some things change, the more they stay the same.

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Midweek Miniatura – new exhibitors.

One of the great joys of Miniatura is spotting the new exhibitors.  To get a table at the show they have been deemed good enough to exhibit and then put in competition with all the other artisans who would also love to be part of this best in show of all the shows.

I spoke to three of the new artists.  To a miniaturist they were excited, concerned, full of questions and, as you will see from the photographs, incredibly able.

Kelm 2

How utterly fantastic is this?

This is the work of Kastle Kelm, a husband and wife team who are showing the fruits of long time miniaturist and and clay sculptor Jenny’s working association with her husband Mike, an art director in the film industry.  Mike has miniaturised the things he enjoyed doing in full size, but now without the budgetary constraints, and the joy is evident.   I had planned to show you one picture from each exhibitor but I just have to break my own rule to show this from Kastle Kelm:

Kelm 1

Oh wow, I’ll race you to their stand.

Sometimes new exhibitors come across as such personalities when I meet them at the show, that I just know you’re going to love them.  I have only spoken to Linda Toerzey of Simply Silk Miniatures on the phone but I think it’s quite safe to predict there will be a crowd round her stand and they’ll all be laughing.  Linda makes swags and tails curtains and silk corsets sets and dressed wedding tables and canopy beds.  She describes her work as ‘very OTT with gold beads.’   Here’s a little sample but you can see more at www.simplysilkminiatures.com a site that’s as full of personality as Linda.

Linda 2 Linda 4

Tim Hartnall of Anglia Dolls Houses started exhibiting elsewhere about seven years ago, stopped but restarted after a phone call from a collector asking if Tim was still making houses. Tim’s love of architecture is apparent in this wonderful Georgian confection. He has seven basic houses to adapt to customer’s paint preferences and options.  I can see these houses appealing to ‘one perfect house’ miniaturists, non decorators and those whose main focus is a fabulous finished setting for their collection.  Tim is bringing a couple of examples to the show; if these are for you up to the point of commissioning one, you can visit Tim during the build at Ely, Cambridgeshire.  Meanwhile you may wish to visit him right now at www.angliadollshouses.co.uk 

Cambridge House general view of interior

Very classy. This would grace any real house and truly be an heirloom.

It would be remiss of me not to give you the lowdown on new exhibitor Sindy Stanley.  We’ve been tracking Sindy since January in this column.  When I rang today she was agonising over what to put in the Miniatura brochure.  If you had read the exhibitor instructions you would know that exaggerated claims and flowery language are specifically prohibited, so the task is to sum up your life’s work in about three modest, self-effacing but totally accurate sentences that make you stand out from the other two and a half hundred world class exhibitors faced with exactly the same impossible task.

So the job for the new artists is to be world class good enough to get there, be modest whilst attracting notice about it in print and then just fill a gigantic six foot table with tiny perfect and detailed miniature art.  After that all they have to do is get up at the crack of dawn, make a stunning display, talk intelligently to several thousand people they’ve never seen in their lives before, do it all again on Sunday after an hour’s less sleep (because the clocks go back Miniatura weekend) pack it all up and get back  home again without having a nervous breakdown.

Happily they can all do it because they are all Miniatura exhibitors.  I picked these three completely at random from the list with absolute confidence that they would all be worth a good look, as is every table at the show. What you get free with every Miniatura visit is exhausted eyeballs and a wonderful wave of happiness.

See if you can pick out the other newbies at www.miniatura.co.uk

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Spot the deliberate mistale.

I’m surprised that no one emailed me remarking on the deloberate mistale in Monday’s posting.  Of course it isn’t every day of the week, somewhere on the planet.  It is, on another much larger planet and also possibly on a smaller one that spins rather quickly.  The news here is much worse; if you are an airline pilot, flying at the right speed in the right direction you can have an entire 24 hours of Monday morning. No wonder pilots are so highly paid.

If you subscribe to the current theory that all possible scenarios actually happen somewhere in the universe, then not only is there a planet where you are the absolute ruler and another where your computer is made of toffee and quacks to let you know it’s just microwaved another cup of engine oil for your pet shoe, there’s also a planet where they live backwards.

There they have a five day weekend where they all start off in a heap at the bottom of the sofa stuffed with junk food after which they have to walk backwards into work for two frantic days of shredding the work they did the previous week.  Old people have free counselling for the approaching horror of getting born and teenage boys think they know everything.  This last fact is referred to as Laverick’s Constant.

Worse still is the huge black hole at the centre of the galaxy filled with all the odd socks that disappear from washing machines all over the known universe. Space ships that get sucked in are mysteriously ejected elsewhere dyed blotchy pink with unravelled edges even though there are no red underpants in the black hole at all, and if there are, they weren’t mine.

You can, however, blame me for making an exhibition of three of the new Miniatura exhibitors tomorrow, a full month before the show. Remember, you read it here first, or will do, tomorrow, unless you’re living backwards, in which case, weren’t they great? Another impossibility is that the standard of miniature art just keeps getting better but it does, as you know if you live on htraE tenalp.  Though you don’t have to live backwards to get the benefit, just tune in on Wednesday for Midweek Miniatura. But I expect, if you’re a regular reader, you already knew that. (Could you hum some spooky sci-fi music please?) (Thank you!)

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