Wake up and welcome to Senior Super Quiz, the gameshow for anyone who can remember where they put the channel changer, or how to use it, or which channel we’re on – or when.
Question One, for half a damp biscuit.
Have you seen my glasses?
Question Two, for half a cup of tea containing a partially dissolved portion of biscuit and some swimming crumbs.
What is his name – my grandchild, the little one?
Question Three is for a sock with a soft welt that won’t make a dent in your leg.
What was the colour of that car we had after the war? Was it blue or was it grey?
Question Four, for a pair of hearing aid batteries.
How do you find out if your prescription is ready if you haven’t got one of those phones?
Question Five, for an new elastic bandage that still has some stretch in it.
And about those phones, why does everyone keep looking at them and laughing, or no, really why does everyone just look at them all the time?
Question Six, for half a tube of embrocation.
What sort of gravy do you call this? It isn’t brown, what’s the point of that?
Question Seven, for an orthotic insole.
Who does she think she is?
Question Eight for a visit to the chiropodist.
Have you got an aspirin?
Question Nine, for a nice early night.
Where are my glasses, have you seen them?
Question Ten, for an interesting book, with no swearing, in big print.
A first class stamp is how much?
Question Eleven for six months help vacuuming the stairs.
Can you give me a hand out of this chair? It’s a bit low, I wouldn’t have sat on this one if I’d realised how low it is.
Question Twelve for comfy slippers in an acceptable colour.
What do you have to do to get a cup of tea round here?
Question Thirteen, for a nice sit down and a bit of cake.
Call that a pair of knickers? It wouldn’t cover a midget and you’ll get a chill on your kidneys, mark my words.
Question Fourteen, for soup.
Do you know where my glasses could possibly be?
Question Fifteen, for a whole box of cotton wool.
What was the name of that feller on the telly? You know, not the little squitty one, the other one?