Elvis Smethwick – revolting student.

To whom it may consern – one day is not enugh, my name is Elvis and I am revolting forever.  I wish to xpress solidity and stand solid with my bretheren and sisteren in towns and sities across the country.


I think it is unfair that I have to go to the University of the Top Shops when the goverment should be paying something so I could go to Oxfam or Cambridge.  Or even a proper Art Collidge.


To whom it may consern, I have a list of demands, if they are not met I will be even more revolting.  These are my demands.

1  To have other students studying with me.  Especailly a girl.
2 To have proper art materials given to me and not just ki’ds colouring books from the cash and carry.  And I want proper paints, the free bir’os of the magazines are not good enugh.
3 I want to have art classes all day and not have to fill in and do Ter’rys paper round when he is of. And I do not want to do the Sunday paper round at all.  I do not beleeve other students at other Top Shop Universitties do the Sunday paper round and I shoul’dnt have to proove it.
4 I want a proper canteen and lunchon vouchers. It is no good if you’re mother says But why would you want that Elvis when you get you’re dinner anyway?  I do not want hot home cooked meels in this wether, I want to suffer in MacDonalds like a proper student.
5 I demand the right not to have cleen clothes every day.  I want to were my underpants inside out after a week like everyone els.
6 I refuse to have another haircut, epecailly from Auntie Vida.  I do not care if she has her Sitty and Gilds in hair and does it for free, the reason she does not practice is not becase she lost the salon in the unfortunate insident about the lollipop lad’ys ear, i’ts becase she is no good at it.  I demand the right to mess my hair up by myself like a student at Oxfam or anywere els.
7 I do not want to pay my tuition fees of to Mr Ahmed as I go by any means at all.  I am revolting and will not help Jimmy Flagg unlode the lemonade van anymore on Wednesdays, he can wissle for it.
8 Also I will not scratch of the scratch cards for old ladys just becase I have long fingernails.  I will cut my fingernails and keep them short, I will be revolting this way.
9 I will also be revolting about the Slush Puppys in the summer, someone els can put there arm in the tank to cleen it, it is not a nice job in the summer.
10 I will be revolting about the rubish skip.  I am not going to get in it and trammpl it down anymore.  If it is full Mr Ahmed can pay for another one.
11 I don’t mind geting the steps out to restock the top shelf magazines.  Or going to the cash and carry to help restock the sweets.  But I am not doing the soup shelves in the winter IT IS HEVVY.
12  Most of all I want a girl student to studdy with.  I want to live in a mixsed hall of residence.  I do not care if there is lino and not carpits, I WANT jammed washing machines and hot drink vending machines in the coridor.  I DEMAND A DRINKS MACHINE OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM.


Kick the rubish bin in the presinct over.  If it is already over I will stand it up and then I will kick it over.
Be rude to customers who spend a lot.
Sleep in my trainors.
Find out who is my MP and who voted for him in a dor to dor opinion poll and then  go round and tell them not to.
Go up to the mayor and say something.
Think of other ways of being revolting and do them and people would notice they would not just go Oh a student. 



JaneLaverick.com- thumb on the pulse, ear to the ground, nose in the air, finger in the wind.

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