Specifically, small relatives and demented relatives.
As I mentioned, I have a neighbour currently back home in a foreign country trying to help a demented mother. The neighbour’s son has gone out in the holidays to join in (having been set a good example by his mother) and, knowing I had the same difficult job several times, wondered what he could do to make the visits less fraught, because he found himself running out of things to say after about half a minute.
I wrote in Dementia Diaries many years ago that one of the most helpful things I did was to keep in contact with the demented person once they had carers, whether at home or in a care home. I rang my mother daily and my Step-Mum-in-law at least once daily, more if she was agitated, having been put in a home too soon by her worried daughter who visited occasionally, thus inadvertently becoming a stranger and, upsettingly, being treated as such by her mother.
If you are caring at a distance the advice would still be to keep in daily contact but there are places in the world where a daily phone call is not a possibility.
I wrote that one of the most successful ways of distracting my mother was to get the old photograph albums out. For people whose short term memory is so bad that they have difficulty in the present, the past, where the long term memories live, is a much happier place for them. Like an unofficial route through the grass the frequently trampled path to long term memories is comfortingly easier to access than baffling new happenings, or people, in an unfamiliar care home.
My mother was guaranteed a happy half hour if someone got out the photograph album and turned the pages, email correspondents report the same success.
However, photograph albums tend to be too heavy to hold for the frail, confusingly full of many things, for those whose memory is on the blink. Frustrated demented people are quite likely to throw anything they don’t like or have taken against, including dinner and a heavy photo album.
I have made zigzag books for my mother, my Step-Mum-in-law and the grandchildren and, showing them to my neighbour’s son, have sent all that is necessary to make them, except the photographs, out with him at his request. He is not very crafty but sees how easy they are to make.
This is all it is. Just a long piece of card, folded zigzag style, with bound edges, photographs on one side and enough room under each photo for a few words.
This is a Christmas one I made for the grandchildren; I made one for me too at the same time. As you can see it stands on its own, even on carpet.
This is one of the important aspects of it; if the recipient is too weak to hold it, or bedridden, it can stand on its own to be looked at.
I was told by the care staff at SMIL’s care home that the zigzag books I sent of her great grandchildren were a magic cure for many problems. If she was having an aggressive day, or she was very weak and poorly and couldn’t be bothered, or something stressful such as a medical procedure had occurred, the staff would take one of the zigzag books out of the table drawer, where they were taking up hardly any space and spread a book out on the table, exclaiming: Look! Grandchildren!
The effect, I am told was beneficial, calming and immediate. They had several books so could ring the changes. For a person with no short term memory they were effectively new and delightful every time. I have suggested for my neighbour’s son that, as he is unable to get to his grandmother often because of the cost and the distance, a zigzag book of him as the baby that she will remember, proceeding in a few pictures through his life so far to him as he is now will help her to recognise him. Even if she does not make the association, family pictures near at hand show that the demented person is not forgotten and that their family is still around somewhere.
The zigzag books have the advantage of being light to handle. A demented person can easily hold them and manipulate them. If they do let go, no damage will be done. If they go nuts on a bad day and rip them up, the books are easy to make, a print-out photograph is an endless resource.
Here is a smaller version, you simply tailor the number of pages to the number of photographs.
I printed the photographs first. As you can see in the sample above, I found I had six photographs. I’d be inclined to print them on stronger paper than the usual 85gsm printer paper. Paper round about 200 gsm would do, I didn’t bother with the glossy photo printing paper. It is expensive and not necessary, whatever paper makes the images clear and can be glued with wet glue is fine.
The zigzag needs to be of stronger paper, 300gsm would be ideal. I used A2 size sheets, cut into strips, but you can use A4 by making zigzags with an extra bit at the end to stick to the next zig, or zag. I have finished the first example by sticking Washi tape round the edges. Washi tape is Japanese paper tape, it does not have fierce stick, so is easy to have a few goes with to get it where you want it. If you have had so many goes that the corner now peels back on its own, just add a drop of paper glue and it will stick.
The backing card does not have to be white. This is a three page book I made for the grandchildren with black card, suitable for the subject, which was a visit to Gaia, Luke Jerram’s Earth installation. I have bound this with black Washi tape. To make a book simply glue two adjacent zigs together, so the middle page is double. The Washi tape will disguise the double pages.
I would not make a book with more than three pages for a demented person, you can’t see all the pictures at the same time but the card is still sufficiently strong that the book stands by itself.
I suggest a dry run with your printed-off photographs, to determine where the zigs should be. Run a blunt point, a closed pen or the edge of a plastic ruler down your metal ruler where each fold should be to make a neat fold before you crease it, then glue the pictures in. If you are not sure of the neatness of your writing, you could do the writing on separate pieces of paper to cut and glue in, to give you a chance to make mistakes or change you mind about what you want to say.
Keep it simple. ‘This is me, Julian, when I was two.’ ‘Mary, Fred and the children at the lake house.’ ‘This is you, Grandma, with Stephanie and the birthday cake you made for her.’ The sort of stuff that a care helper can read out, if necessary.
Simple is good for small children learning to read too, you’ll be amazed how quickly they can say the words.
You can put yourself in the picture too – one of the purposes of making the zigzag book is so that you are not forgotten, so that your lost soul knows they have someone who cares, and that you are there, even when you are not there. If you can ring every day and be there in a photograph always, you may completely avoid the upsetting day when your demented person asks you who you are.
The books have the advantage of being very postable. If the first ones are successful you can make others and post them. Grandchildren’s birthday parties, new great grandchildren, anything positive will do. You might wish to avoid dead pets, or the house where the chilly spider infested toilet was outside in the yard, and weird Uncle Vanya, unless these are things we all laugh about.
It may look simplistic to you but your demented person will think the world of you for half an hour’s work. If you make a book starring them, your grandchildren will love you for making them famous, in a book (this is not my opinion, it’s what my grandchildren told me).
If you make two books, you can share one with the demented person during your nice short, not overly tiring visit and produce the other when it is time to go, leaving them not upset to be abandoned, rather happy to have something lovely to look at.
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